Summer 2015: Successes and Stressors

Thank you for your patience on updating this blog. Like many other Americans, there are many times where I juggle more responsibilities than I seemingly have time to juggle such commitments. One such commitment was a 6 week long summer course. My 4.0 GPA did not remain intact, but I managed to work full time and make progress on my graduate degree. Only 12 credits left to go!!!

Once again, I owe a great deal of my success to my in-laws. My mother-in-law watched my daughter every day after her preschool ended for the academic year. As well, my in-laws took my daughter on their vacation out of state. This blessing freed me up to focus more on my studies. As well, our daughter gains the benefit of connecting with our extended family. She truly enjoyed the time with her grandparents and one of her aunts, cousins, and great grandmother.

Today I wanted to talk about an issue I was hesitant to discuss on July 4th: fireworks. While there is no such thing as a typical veteran and his or her response to fireworks, my feelings about July 4th encompass a greater stress. My friend, Bart Carroll, and one-time high school boyfriend, was murdered on this day back in 2002. I gathered that day with many who knew him to watch fireworks. To me, it was a way to honor his memory. For many years, I’ve enjoyed watching fireworks to continue this tradition, but I’ve enjoyed this privilege with some set off distance from most fireworks displays. I lived in places where individuals could not shoot off fireworks in their neighborhood or it was not popular in the community to do so. As well, when we lived in Cody, Wyoming, our back alley provided an unimpeded view of the city’s fireworks display so I never watched fireworks close up there.

This year, with our move to Gilbert, Arizona, I decided to walk around my new neighborhood the night of July 4th. Sometimes I juggle my feelings that I’ve proudly lived up to fulfilling Bart’s unfinished mission and other times, I feel I should have done more to serve. Pockets of neighbors gathered to hold their own fireworks displays. Given my past comfort with fireworks, I thought going out and seeing the fireworks would give me some comfort as hearing the fireworks’ report without the sight of them was an unsavory reminder of the mortar attacks from my first Iraq deployment. (Note: I don’t expect civilians to understand this feeling and honestly, I am glad it’s not a common experience for Americans to know what mortar impacts feel like.)

My husband found this image on Facebook on the 4th. Just a little true.... — My husband found this image on Facebook on the 4th. Just a little true….

Seeing the fireworks didn’t ease my discomfort at all, like I hoped. In fact, it was more unnerving. I wasn’t able to anticipate when fireworks would go off because there were numerous gatherings in my neighborhood and everyone had their own tempo for setting off their novelty items.Our local news, like other news outlets, ran a story about this issue. (As a related note, I even heard some fireworks go off this morning between 5 and 6 am on my walk with our dog although such actions are outside the timeframes when individuals can use fireworks.)

Do I feel it necessary to put up the sign below in my yard? No. I am not bothered by all fireworks. My neighbors’ ground displays were beautiful to witness, but the report (see illegal fireworks below) was upsetting. In fact, last year, when my husband and I watched one of the larger fireworks display from our vantage point of Studio Movie Grill in Scottsdale. We had gone to see Maleficent, the movie ended just in time for us to be greeted by a fireworks display outside the theater, and we caught sight of several fireworks displays on our drive back to Mesa. Distance helps keep this practice enjoyable for me. We even lit off some of the non permissible fireworks (shown below) when we visited family in Wyoming. But we controlled our environment to make the experience enjoyable.

I also took the time today to look at what Gilbert’s rules are for fireworks. Turns out my neighbors held some displays not permissible under Gilbert’s laws. This might be an issue of being ignorant of the law, which certainly is no excuse, but below are the images available showcasing what individuals can light off during permissible dates. Personally, I hope people realize the $1,000 penalty for using illegal fireworks is not worth the risk.

Fireworks aren’t permissible again here until Christmas Eve, so I have months to relax again until fireworks become (potentially) an issue again. My daughter is of an age where she wants to watch fireworks, but thankfully is also young enough to not typically stay up late enough to see any displays. We’ll address this issue as she grows up so we find a healthy balance for our family.

~Cheryl

Posted on July 11, 2015 by She_wears_dogtags 1

15 Year “Anniversary”

My mother's journal entry to me. — My mother’s journal entry to me.

Today is one of those terrible days in my family’s history; 15 years ago, we said goodbye to my mother after she lost her battle with lung cancer. In the 16 years I was fortunate to have her in my life, I feel I didn’t know her well enough. Her journal entry (above) demonstrates how much a mother knows her child. My heart was so broken when I found out she had cancer. I left the room and went to the bathroom to cry. There was no way to pull myself together.

I don’t know how I watched her struggle without asking more about her as a person. Fortunately, many of her family members (siblings, her husband, and my siblings) are around to share stories about her. Sadly though, her perspective on life is lost except for what was saved in the notes she wrote to her husband and children.

Today I share this note with you all because life is precious. I am not perfect; I still waste the moments I am given. God spared my life as a baby and for reasons unknown, I was one of His children to come home from Iraq. I’ve had my moments of doubt for His plans and my ability to carry out those orders. He’s seen me in one of my worst moments and he’s rewarded me more than I deserve for moving forward.

I am not the same person I was before I lost my mother. She has also seen my transformations and achievements. Some day, I’ll know how she feels about my Marine Corps service. I’ll know her thoughts about my family and the grandchildren she’s never held.

Last night, I was reminded of her absence by my five-year-old. We have nightly Skype visits while she’s gone to Wyoming. She knows she has two grandmas (her maternal grandmother and maternal great mother) and I reminded her about her Nannie, my stepmother. She also knows about her late grandparents. My sweet girl asked if her Nannie was my real mom. I know what she was asking, so I had to say no. We worked through our conversation about my mom again and I told her I’d show her pictures.

For now though, please enjoy this photo of the woman who prayed for me years ago. She built our family. She rebuilt our family after her divorce and subsequent marriage to the man I call my dad. She missed many milestones in my life, not by her choice. She was, and always will be, my mother.

Posted on June 9, 2015 by She_wears_dogtags 0

Taken-for-Granted Notion: America’s Veterans

I want to believe our society is coming close to equally treating female veterans as it does male veterans. I really do. However, I constantly find reminders that support the taken-for-granted notion veterans (and service members) are men.

I am even more embarrassed at some of the products coming out, particularly the ones that encourage the “girl” who stays behind supporting her man. These things seem to sell a notion military wives and girlfriends do not have an identity all their own. Would you see something of this label for same sex couples?! No, but it’s perfectly normal for heteronormative marketing.

I honestly couldn’t buy any of these Yankee Candles even if I loved the scents available through their Homefront Girl line. Thankfully, I found some information that a dollar from each sale goes to Homes for Our Troops. However, the proceeds are limited to $75,000 or date, April 30th, 2016 per the image below:

I don’t wish to alienate other women, but I see over and over again how society values the “military wife” and her fulfillment of a traditional gender role. She is placed on a pedestal for raising the kid(s), keeping the house, and staying loyal as her man serves his country. Yet, female service members (and veterans) are forgotten persons. We are remembered for mothering (as applicable), but our military service…it’s an invisible achievement.

I saw this issue play out again in my life when my husband and I picked up our car from a valet. The man, probably slightly younger than us, noticed our veteran plate. He turned to my husband and asked his service branch. My husband responded with ‘Marine Corps’ and the valet thanked him for his service.

In these moments, I better understand female veterans who place woman veteran license plates on their car, especially those whose husbands (or boyfriends) did not serve in the military. I do not have one myself and the recent woman veteran hat is coming up increasingly in social media sites.

I am getting closer to upping the ante for my veteran recognition project. I’ve worn my dog tags since last October with little notice. I haven’t blatantly hung out the tags; as a veteran, I feel it would be tacky to do so. I was hoping people would notice a dog tag chain is unlike other pieces of ‘jewelry’ and therefore make the connection. Haha….no one notices. Truly, no one notices.

I think a female veteran hat would be a silly addition to my project but I promise a creative approach to this problem. Society does not need to thank its female veterans (as equally as it does not need to thank male veterans) however it does need to recognize on many levels women serve in our Armed Forces.

~Cheryl

Wearing my dog tags as part of my social experiment. (May 31st at Montelucia–Scottsdale, AZ)

Posted on May 31, 2015September 26, 2023 by She_wears_dogtags 0

Memorial Day 2015

I share today’s post with a somber heart. On February 2nd, 2005, my unit lost our Watch Officer, Captain Sean Brock, and every Memorial Day, I think about the impact his death had on his family, persons I’ve never met.

Today we honor Captain Brock, among our nation’s many fallen, and I will never forget how I felt learning he was wounded and later, when he died as a result of his injuries. I was twenty at the time and as I learned afterwards, he was only twenty-nine. It stung a little bit more to know he was a fraternal twin, like me. I don’t doubt others, especially my peers and superiors working in the command center, have survivor’s guilt like I feel at times. Our base was frequently hit with mortars throughout the duration of my deployment and yet, most of us made it home.

I wrote a letter not too long ago about things I’d like to say to my mother, although she passed away in 2000, and I’ve never “said” anything specific regarding Captain Brock. Should his family ever read these words, I think of their loved one every Memorial Day and the day of his death. There are times throughout the year when I must be reminded of my place and he comes to mind even more. I came home and I owe something back. I was very anxious last night thinking of my recent frustration that companies are offering veteran discounts today. Today is not Veterans’ Day. Today is Memorial Day. Some Americans chose to attend parades or memorial services; I chose to write this letter.

————————————————————————————————-

To Captain Brock,

I can write this letter to you now as a civilian. Your death in 2005 transformed my life. I felt like a tourist when I landed in Iraq, and more so before, in Kuwait. At work though, I was not in tourist mode. I didn’t have the time to gaze about the world around us. There was too much to do on day shift with the mission assigned to me, our team, and all our individual contributions wove together a situational picture for the commanding generals. I was (and still am) very proud of this assignment. As a Lance Corporal back then, it’s not like I had the freedom to know you the way other Marines could in the command center.

I don’t know what you thought about our team of enlisted Marines working to your left. Did you find it odd we were a mix of infantry guys stationed with G-3 and Chemical Biological Radiological and Nuclear Defense Marines, like myself? I know I encountered Marines who naturally assumed I was a MAGTF (Marine Air Ground Task Force) Planner.

I wish I could pick your brain about the Army and Navy Liaisons who worked behind my desk. I wish it was easier to remember people from back then. I can only recall the Lieutenant Junior Grade’s first name was Candy and the Army Major gave me a 2nd BCT (Brigade Combat Team) coin. Quite often, it felt strange to be surrounded by so many officers. I wanted to make a good impression on you all and especially make my Master Sergeant proud I was on the team.

I don’t know if you’d find it stunning or embarrassing that I ignored my responsibility to burn items in the burn bin when I kept an article written about your death. (I don’t know who printed it out but I couldn’t let the article disappear; I keep it to this day.)

There was such good insight into your life that the average American would never know about you, as one of our fallen. I didn’t want your death to be another number on our screen. Your life shouldn’t be just a statistic, a number thrown out among numbers when others discuss the merit of war. You were a husband, son, brother, twin brother. As a fellow twin, I cannot imagine the pain your twin goes through each day without you. You chose to be a Marine, but the article revealed most what I love about people–their connections to their families, friends, and communities. I’ve read memorial boards about you as well–you are greatly missed.

My place among the living deprives me of the opportunity to know what you see and understand in death. I don’t know if you watched myself and Corporal Vaughn in our shared responsibility to destroy your cover and holster. I don’t have an answer as to why we were chosen for this sacred task. There wasn’t much blood on your things, but your blood was still there. In burning your possessions, I feel better now about the historical use of funeral pyres and my own decision to be cremated when I die.

There were so many times I tiptoed on this notion of wishing I was there to help you and also being grateful I didn’t witness your wounds. I was ending a phone call with my grandmother when the round landed on base. I was over in my barracks and you were right outside of our work. My grandmother suffered from lung cancer and during the deployment, I found out her cancer was no longer in remission. I have no doubt she heard the round land. It’s the loudest impact I can ever recall. I had a few seconds, maybe 30 or less, where I could put on my game face essentially and keep her fear at bay. I told her the normal things we tell our loved ones–I loved her and I’d try to call again soon and then I had to say goodbye. I had to get back then to the present reality.

I’m currently reading Ashley’s War so I feel safe to tell you I don’t feel I wouldn’t have been helpful because I am a woman and you are a man. I do understand some men feel women have no place in combat zones. I feel like I would have been stunned for a moment if I saw you mortally injured. I sat so close to you day in and day out for months on end, from 10 am to 10 pm until I was switched over to night crew. It was only because my shift was changed that I was not at the operations center when the round landed.

But I knew you were injured before I went into work. And I sat at work looking at the activity report (about you).The activity report shared the same general details like all the others before, but this time, I knew who we lost. We had hellish days before where there’s so much activity and sadly, many losses of life, but watching the night drag on was terrible. I felt like that activity report was taunting me.

I hope someone shared with your wife how wonderful your memorial service was; the Marines who spoke about you cared deeply for you and revealed much about your playful, adventurous side. Once again, I couldn’t know you the way they did because of our ranks. I am grateful though they reminded us all about who you were as an individual.

I am forever thankful our paths crossed, even for that small amount of time. I hope as I continue to forge my own path in life, it is something you admire and see as socially responsible as a representative of the Marine Corps.

Your life will be one I always remember today and I hope in sharing this letter, many other Americans take to heart what today really means.

With the Utmost Respect and Admiration,

Cheryl

Posted on May 25, 2015September 26, 2023 by She_wears_dogtags 0

2005 versus 2015: Ramadi and My Home Life

2015 Life

The title of today’s blog is not meant to incite anger. It’s an honest assessment of my day here in the States versus news abroad. The news is reporting the fact Ramadi has fallen to ISIS. (A sad emoticon does not suffice here.)

I can’t do anything about Ramadi falling to ISIS. I can be angry about it. I can be disappointed. I can’t fly out there with my fellow Marines loaded with an M-16 and honestly do something about the problem. I can’t sit in a command center like I did years ago and compile reports to help commanding generals decide a course of action. I can only hope ISIS’ “win” is short-lived.

The citizens of Ramadi, like other Iraqi citizens and citizens everywhere, should be free to enjoy a pleasant and comfortable lifestyle free of mass violence. Their disenfranchisement is a significant reason why I’m nervous to admit my life is a complete 180. I have a steady job, a safe neighborhood, and can enjoy daily perks like Starbucks new awesome and overly indulgent S’mores frappucino which I get in a mini size, so it’s a candy bar liquid equivalent 230 calories versus 330 calories for a tall.

My biggest problem right now is the stomach discomfort that’s lasted all day long, which didn’t help as I put in much-needed over time today. (Not at all related to Starbucks; my stomach just hates me today in general.)

My ‘2015’ life means for the first time in our marriage truly setting down into a typical American dream, minus the fact it’s not a home purchase. We know we aren’t moving around for years, we have a private enclosed yard (for the first time) and a two-car garage (also a first)! We’ve been here just over a month and are still unpacking boxes. Our books, like our artwork, reveal the best part of our personalities. My husband is a history buff. I enjoy numerous non-fiction works, particularly as they relate to relationships and personal/professional development.

These roots are so different from my seabag lifestyle on deployment. I own more than a week’s worth of clothes and 2 pairs of boots.

I recently began reading Ashley’s War and the author’s mention of the soldiers’ choice to use non-Army issued socks grabbed me as a reader. When I prepared for my first deployment, my boyfriend at the time took me shopping to pick up Smartwool socks. I was prepared to bring issued boot socks, but he was adamant about the quality of Smartwool socks. I don’t remember our entire conversation about the socks, but I recall my shock at their price. It was something like $17 or $18 a pair. Seriously, one pair of socks!!!

Those socks were one of the best purchases I ever made. They lasted through two Iraq deployments and my time in Cody, Wyoming. I love this brand and while I’m not brand loyal on many things, I can justify the price of those socks.

2005 Life

During my day trip to Camp Fallujah (2004)...I have very few photos of myself at Camp Blue Diamond (outside of Ramadi, Iraq). — During my day trip to Camp Fallujah (2004)…I have very few photos of myself at Camp Blue Diamond (outside of Ramadi, Iraq).

Back on this day, May 17th, 2005, I was no longer in the fray. I was a goofy 21-year-old remarking on training that day. The funny thing is I don’t recall this training at all. It’s odd that some things stay in our heads for years and years and other things are quickly lost. It’s a good thing I enjoy keeping a record of my life, otherwise these observations would be lost for sure.

Posted on May 17, 2015September 26, 2023 by She_wears_dogtags 0

Life As a Nontraditional Student

Approximately 12,000 Sun Devils graduated this semester. I do not know all their names, but as a fellow student myself, I understand some of the pains they’ve endured to accomplish their objectives. Most are traditional students, but for nontraditional students like myself, these achievements are even more amazing.

I am fortunate to befriend some of our veteran students, mostly through my contact with them as current work study students, former work study students, or the small group that gathers frequently to enjoy the amenities of our center. Their stories, like many of our nontraditional peers, reflect broad career goals with a service focus, overcoming hurdles of various sorts, and a desire to swap stories our traditional peers don’t yet understand. We can talk candidly with each other about Iraq and Afghanistan, without our stories being awkward. We might talk about our kids or our partners’ child(ren). We also talk about the hours we work, or wish we didn’t work, when comparing ourselves to our traditional peers.

Although I mention some similarities, please know I don’t mean to infer we are a homogenous group. My work as a School Certifying Official reminds me constantly there is such great diversity within our student population. Similarities give us a common ground, but our differences make us wonderfully unique. We went down roads we planned and found some ruts we originally did not see and we’re constantly reconstructing our identities.

I am not among this semester’s graduating class. My big day will come next spring and I’m ok with the wait. It’s exciting to know I will be the first in my family to earn a Master’s degree. I hope my achievement inspires my siblings to accomplish the dreams they hold for themselves that may currently seem too big. Life is all about the baby steps.

Maintaining my 4.0 GPA this semester was harder than I imagined it would be; however, I have competition at home with my husband, a fellow ASU student, and my peers at work. It isn’t possible to “do it all.” However, I focused on less tasks and more intently at the tasks remaining on my “to do” list for the term.

There are things I couldn’t/wouldn’t alter given my status as a nontraditional student:

1. Working 40 hours a week (I’m the breadwinner in my family.)
2. Moving out of family housing (Family Housing was no longer suiting my family’s lifestyle.)
3. Family commitments (My in-laws graciously took our daughter many weekends for sleepovers so we could focus on homework. In return, we set up many family breakfasts with them so we could stay grounded with each other.)

However, my connections with my own family, who live out-of-state, have been minimal. I basically remind them I’m still living via sporadic non-vague Facebook status updates and a sprinkling of updated photos. I owe them more than one or two phone calls to make up for my conspicuous absence this term.

For all the great things that occurred this semester, this semester was a difficult one for some ASU families. Since I started doing email as one of my job responsibilities, I noticed we get student death notifications. I know universities are sometimes thought as large, impersonal institutions, but notifications like these touch me deeply.

I worked through activity reports on my first deployment and seeing the casualty numbers and deaths reported is something that has always stuck with me, particularly after Captain Brock’s death. During my email days this semester, I came across two student death notifications. They were both veterans. I had the responsibility to close our their information in VAOnce, the system we use to certify students for GI Bill benefits, and close out their PeopleSoft service indicator that tells us each was using some chapter of VA education benefits. For some reason, it’s always important to look at their ages before I complete this task. I don’t know if it’s my way of honoring their time on this earth; I am shocked whenever a student (veteran or nonveteran) is younger than me and almost relieved (for lack of a better term) when the person has lived longer.

I hope their families feel we treated them well while they attended ASU. I hope these students enjoyed their collegiate careers. I hope they enjoyed their lives in general, despite whatever bumps they encountered along the way.

I hope that our graduating class of 12,000 move forward and fulfill their dreams in a way these two veterans could not, because it’s important we remember life is for living. I have no doubt these two would have wished great things for their peers for spring commencement, those traditional students and nontraditional students, like themselves.

Posted on May 12, 2015 by She_wears_dogtags 0

Don’t Write A Book About It: Drawing A Fine Line Outside the Sandbox

I am on a mission to help my instructor find a new book for her class on women warriors. I’ve previously discussed with all you my great frustration over Helen Benedict’s The Lonely Soldier and I’ve verbally expressed my interest in finding a new book to balance out the conversation of women in the military for this class. Collectively, we’ve agreed this book was one end of the conversation spectrum and the other was filled by Jessica Scott who speaks from her personal experiences as a soldier and a mother.

Below are some books I’ve identified on Amazon:

I wish the person who wrote the blurb below paid more attention to the fact it’s ‘desert’ not dessert.

And I’m a bit irritated when the word ‘naive’ is thrown around to describe service members. We’re all a little naive walking through life at one point or another, however this obnoxious word creeps into the portrayal of women too much for my liking.

I think I need a bumper sticker that reads:

No one made you join. [Statement is as applicable for men as it is for women.]

I’ve only sifted through titles so far but I’m rather nervous I won’t find something I find appropriate for this class. I am not a subject matter expert on the war in Iraq (and I have no experience in Afghanistan) but I made the statement today I may need to suck it up and write a book. [Professional…I know.]

Years ago, I was told not to write a book about my experiences. I’m still a little angry that my coworker thought it was his place to say such a thing to me. However, with some of the above representations (and I’d say equally the same for books about Post-9/11 male service members) I can acknowledge the frustration of persons capitalizing on their experiences, good and bad. We live in a generation sucking up their 15 minutes of fame in practically every media format out there. It doesn’t seem to matter either if that attention is positive or negative either.

If I take these footsteps forward, they will not be to reinforce the 21-year-old I was when I came home, the girl who loved to say “This one time in Iraq” which resulted in my peers mimicking my voice and joy in their wry humor.

More so, I’d like to showcase the 31-year-old I am trying to understand the transformative process of becoming a Marine, picking up a journey of a deceased ex-boyfriend, in a society that still questions the roles and contributions of female service members.

The information below is a good tipping point to this future conversation. It’s pre-9/11 but irks me by the name and premise.

Posted on May 4, 2015 by She_wears_dogtags 0

Why do we become war fighters?

Since January, I’ve been a part of a new course exploring women warriors. We’ve discussed the label ‘warrior’ and its application to causes we agree and don’t necessarily agree with and the women who participate. Repeatedly, we discussed the difference between masculine violence and feminine violence. As peers, we discuss, almost equally, how society accepts male violence as a natural experience (for a lack of a better term).

I cannot speak for all societies but American media have target demographics for films, videos, video games, and television shows. Spongebob Square Pants (a cartoon my daughter is not allowed to watch), Archer (which my husband and I watch) and American Sniper (which neither my husband or I have seen, nor would we let our daughter watch) are but a few examples. While they are not equally comparable, they are well known to the general American public.

I just thought of mentioning Archer creators were probably regretting naming the spy agency ISIS (International Secret Intelligence Service) but I’m so far behind the times, it’s already no longer in use. No one wants to be associated with the bad guys (and women).

So, on our side, why do we want to be war fighters?

I won’t say why does someone want to join the [military] service because there are a lot of privileges with this career choice. Education benefits (on different scales), a steady paycheck (when you don’t have a ‘no pay due’–which can happen, sometimes), health insurance (for those planned and unplanned babies…or martial arts injuries), and so much more.

I speak playfully about military service because I know the ‘warrior’ side but I also know the young warrior side. There is a great amount of sarcasm and camaraderie behind the uniform, especially for the 18-30 year old group (and those still wishing they were 18-30).

On a serious note though, it’s easier to bring a war to someone else’s front door than for it to be on our own. The Boston Marathon Bombing trial is a reminder terrorism costs lives, not just those who choose service but those standing (literally) on the sidelines. Whole futures were trampled, families are broken and while justice will be served, the damage cannot be undone. This loss and the desire to prevent the future deaths of innocents is why people become war fighters.

It’s not why they join the service, but why they join the fight.

A child should not know this kind of fear.

Posted on April 24, 2015 by She_wears_dogtags 0

Time Management

Thank you again for your patience while my blog entries are a bit spaced out from one another. April is crunch time for me this semester. This semester, I’ve tried harder than the last to implement backwards planning (back) into my life. Last semester, I took on the task of two graduate level courses while fulfilling a typically 40 hour week, which at times, extended into 45 hour weeks. Offhand, I don’t have the total number of hours I completed overtime, but between semesters, I accrued an additional 21 or 22 hours. The challenge this semester was taking 9 credit hours. I DO NOT recommend such drastic actions for anyone, but there were three objectives behind this reasoning:

1. Immediately earn more income (i.e. a higher rate of pursuit means a higher Post-9/11 housing allowance.)

2. Reduce the overall time it takes to complete my Master’s degree.

3. Complete Master’s degree before my husband starts law school.

Whereas money is concerned, we’re doing well enough for ourselves. We are, by American standards of living, potentially average for our age group. Originally, we were very eager to earn more income to draw us one step closer to a home purchase. We still are several steps away from taking that leap and I, more than my husband, must remind myself a home purchase is truly not an essential accomplishment in life. Many people do not own their own home, but they find happiness through other means (spiritual, social, academic, and so forth). However, earning more money has enabled us to move out of ASU’s family housing, which no longer fit our lifestyle.

We found a 1,434 sq. foot home with a modest yard and a two-car garage that suits us perfectly. In nine years of marriage, this is the first residence we’ve rented with a garage! It’s quite a life-changing moment for us. Other Americans might scoff at our “tiny” residence but it’s a lot of house for us given how well the floor plan was designed. We have more than sufficient storage. It’s a safe, friendly neighborhood close to our favorite amenities, and we have the space to add a dog to the family in due time.

Adding a not-entirely planned move to our schedule fit (for me) because I’m trying to use backwards planning on my other objectives and rearranging my plans as necessary.

So, some goals/projects on my plate are as follows and their associated tasks. I’ve specifically left out the timeframe it took to accomplish these objectives and the days that they were planned. What worked well in my favor is I had my goals and assigned dates for the mini-assignments. The smaller assignments gave me other timeframes in which to backwards plan.

1. Final Paper/Presentation due April 28th

Prepare topic
Get topic approved
Scout primary and secondary resources
Submit preliminary draft
Submit final paper
Present to fellow classmates and instructor

2. Graduate Research Conference on April 24th

Consider topic (originally presented in December 2014)
Review instructor feedback
Refocus efforts on public (versus social) pedagogy
Scout for additional resources
Restructure position
Receive feedback from academic advisor
Present on April 24th

3. Receive the AZ Humanities Grant Fall 2015 for the Office of Veteran and Military Academic Engagement

Consider grant writing organization for grant writing graduate level course
Consider mission
Submit needs statement for class
Submit goals and outcome objectives for class
Submit methods for class
Submit budget for class.
Submit final grant proposal for class
Network with Nancy Dallett on a weekly basis
Submit intent to apply on April 24th
Submit application June 5th

Some things are easier to accomplish than others, because I have a built-in support network. You can never discount the assistance of your team to accomplish your goals or the goals of your organization.

My instructor, Dr. Nakagawa, encouraged my classmates and I to submit our papers for the Graduate Research Conference. I was incredibly hesitant to do so; while I love learning, educating others, and talking, I do not enjoy public speaking. Yes, the irony is not lost on me. As I get older though, I realize I do not like being the wallflower. I don’t want others to represent me. If I want my actions to be more visible in my community, I quite literally must be more visible.

With regard to my research paper, I have a slew of resources not typically available to non-recruiters to support my position on the Marine Corps’ recruitment of female applicants. I have two recruitment dvds (2008 and 2011) featuring commercials, films, and videos plus the Marine Corps Enlisted Opportunities Book because my husband served as a recruiter. I will also pull information from the Marine Corps’ Facebook page to help support my position.

Lastly, my grant writing class and rapport with Nancy Dallett, the Assistant to the Director of Veteran and Military Academic Engagement, are crucial to the work for the application for the AZ Humanities Project Grant. My instructor and the TA give me feedback from my class submissions. Winning this grant would be a wonderful opportunity for the Office of Veteran and Military Academic Engagement, my office (as the partnering office, if not one of the partnering offices), and our veteran students. Wish us luck!

Lastly, another crucial area of backwards planning are the multitude of opportunities I’ve taken off my schedule to focus on my academic goals and our recent move. I missed out on Laverne Cox’s recent speaking engagement at ASU. I decided to not apply for this round of the Edson Student Entrepreneur Initiative. I think my idea for the initiative will gain momentum but right now my plan isn’t established well enough to be competitive. I am not taking late summer courses so I have the time to commit to idea development starting at that time. On the social realm, I bowed out of a friend’s wedding. Financially, and with my work commitments, it isn’t possible to afford an out-of-state commitment. As well, like last semester, my gym attendance has struggled. I’ve put on some weight this semester, which I can easily lose once I resume my fitness habits.

I feel my GPA may not be as stellar this semester, but I will learn from my mistakes and my decisions. 9 credit hours is a bit too much to take on. However, this choice has brought unique rewards in the form of unexpected opportunities. We have a great rental home to enjoy. We are building a financial cushion for ourselves. I’m honing my grant writing skills and tomorrow, I’m talking to the Veteran Vision’s Project’s Devin Mitchell over the phone. The world is an exciting place if you get out of your comfort zone (and plan your achievements)!

Posted on April 16, 2015April 16, 2015 by She_wears_dogtags 0

Chemical Munitions In a Post-9/11 World

When I considered prospective military occupational specialities back in 2003, there were a number I instantly ruled out. I don’t recall the specific conversation details except informing the recruiter I didn’t want a supply or admin job. So many women join these fields; I wanted to do something different. Communications didn’t interest me either. I liked the idea of combat camera because combat illustration appealed to me, but I didn’t have a portfolio created at that time. As a woman, infantry was not an option back then but the repeal of Direct Combat Exclusion Rule in 2013 opened the option for testing. I am proud of the female enlisted Marines who graduated School of Infantry training November 21, 2013. These women will not be infantry Marines, despite their accomplishments, but they are I will have a serious discussion with you all another day about my beliefs, curiosity, and encouragement for women’s expanded military roles. I don’t feel the repeal of the Direct Combat Exclusion Rule would mean so much to me had I not served my country. However, I found a relatively good path for myself as a 5711, Nuclear, Biological, & Chemical (NBC) Defense Specialist. (Note: When I got to my first unit, 1st Marine Division, I found out NBC was changing to Chemical, Biological, Radiological, and Nuclear or CBRN to more accurately reflect the myriad of threats.) My title was then CBRN Defense Specialist.

Like always, I will be honest in my self-assessment. I was not the best Marine to enter this field, but I was significantly challenged by this path instead of taking easier options available to me. My timidness got to me on numerous occasions, particularly in the realm of public speaking. This issue is problematic because CBRN Defense Specialists teach other Marines how to use their chemical defense gear, clothing, and decontamination procedures. Adding to my personal stress over public speaking was my discomfort wearing a gas mask . I have quite the irrational fear of drowning and suffocating to death, so the gas mask’s restrictive qualities create an additional layer of anxiety.

I am a better public speaker now because I challenged myself in the Marine Corps. I’ve developed better critical assessment skills because I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know it’s my responsibility to seek self-improvement and to not set low expectations. I have great rapport with supervisors and many of my peers from 1st Marine Division. We are a privileged group of individuals to do such diverse training. This work is and always will be important to protecting the lives of the Marines under our care.

Chemical munitions pose significant health consequences, up to and including death. The New York Times March 25, 2015 article about the Army’s apology to veterans with chemical injuries is worth reading.

Posted on April 6, 2015 by She_wears_dogtags 0

She Wears Dogtags

Reflections on Military Service and Society

She Wears Dogtags

Summer 2015: Successes and Stressors

15 Year “Anniversary”

Taken-for-Granted Notion: America’s Veterans

Memorial Day 2015

2005 versus 2015: Ramadi and My Home Life

Life As a Nontraditional Student

Don’t Write A Book About It: Drawing A Fine Line Outside the Sandbox

Why do we become war fighters?

Time Management

Chemical Munitions In a Post-9/11 World

Reflections on Military Service and Society

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