Last week, one of my instructors provided our class with information regarding the passing of Lucy Coffey, America’s oldest female veteran, . I must admit I am not always as knowledgable about our veteran community as I would like to be, but learning about Lucy Coffey’s service in the Women’s Auxiliary Army Corps is interesting. I hoped I could find her Bronze Star citations. So far, I’m not coming up with anything, but I’ll keep looking.
The world loses a lot of history with her passing at 108 years of age, which once again reinforces what I’ve discussed about veterans sharing their stories. We have a very finite amount of time to educate others about who we are, our contributions to our service branches, how our service affects ourselves and lights a path for others to follow. I hope her story continues to inspires others.
“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”-George Elliot
I have what I feel amounts to a small amount of photos from my service. As such, I enjoy seeing the Veteran Vision Project for restructuring the conversation about what it means to be a veteran. In these photos, we get a small glimpse of the dual identities veterans navigate.
I found one of the issues I struggled with in my own life was who do I want to be after having the honor of wearing Marine Corps uniforms for four years. When I started working for Kay Jewelers in 2007 after leaving the Corps, I adopted a new “uniform” of New York and Co. button down shirts, slacks, the occasional skirt, pantyhose, and kitten heels. My employment there ended in 2009 with our move to Wyoming and I quickly reverted back to my comfort zone of hoodies, shirts, jeans and sneakers. It’s an easy enough wardrobe to maintain and not look out-of-place back there.
I always found it a bit funny to see people primp themselves to take a trip to Walmart; however, it started to make sense when I realized you’ll run into just about anyone there. And I do prefer someone caring for their appearance (even a little too much) as opposed to someone walking down the aisles dressed in pajamas. Seriously, it’s not that hard to at least throw on a clean shirt and jeans.
I feel most comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans, but I also want to feel comfortable dressing my body as I age. My civilian work doesn’t require I be physically fit and as such, I’ve put on weight by adopting excuses for not maintaining fitness standards. Not much weight, mind you. My most comfortable weight as a Marine was 108 pounds and now I hover between 113 and 115 pounds. It’s not a drastic difference, but I’m certainly softer than I’d like to be. I am steadily forcing myself to fit exercise back into my schedule to drop my weight back to 108.
As I further own and find comfort in my civilian identity, I understand I owe myself grace on accepting the “new” me. I take on different responsibilities now and have different demands made of my time. This fact rings true especially as an employed person who is also a mother, wife, and graduate student.
However, I do want to share with you all photos that show the other side of me. I’ve been blessed to grow up in a time where print and digital photography collide. I had (and have) other people take my photo and from time to time, I also enjoy taking the occasional selfie. I am neither too shy to be photographed but not too vain to solely rely on selfies as a form of expression. I have a beautiful record of my existence as an American, my veteran status unknown to others in the my proximity when the photos were taken. While I cling more to my status as a veteran, my civilian side deserves recognition, too.
The two sides of me make up my whole person.
~Cheryl
My favorite female Marine, Sarah Kravitz (formerly, Cabell). I love this girl. She is my sister through and through. She is the best roommate I ever had in the Marine Corps. We still keep in touch.Our wedding day 2006
2008 or 2009 photo, Frank Lopez, photographer (Oceanside, California)My daughter and I when I had my “graduation” celebration.We did a belated photo session in 2012 with Melissa Thompson from Pistachio Alley. I am behind on ordering my prints.Spartan Race 2014 with my husbandMarine Corps Scholarship Fund Dinner 2014
The weekend is upon us and I have some wonderful news to report. Cory Remsburg, a local veteran who sustained significant injuries during his 2009 Afghanistan deployment, became the recipient of a home provided by Homes for Wounded Warriors. The generosity of individuals who work for and support an organization like Homes for Wounded Warriors serves as a great reminder individuals around this nation have not forgotten the significant challenges some veterans face as a result of their service.
If you’d like to read his story, you can check it out on AZCentral.com. There are some minor editing errors in the article, but we can forgive those mistakes.
March and April are slated to be busy months for me, busier than usually. As such, please accept my sincerest apologies for writing infrequently and for how this trend will continue for a bit longer. I recently finished up my “A” session course, turned in a midterm for my Women of Courage class, and my “B” session Grant Writing course picks up next week. Essentially, my spring break has disappeared. Not that spring break exists much as a social construct for working adults. I am fortunate though that other opportunities are opening up thanks to some personal connections. I am making strides with my “awareness” t-shirt ideas. I’m keeping those under wraps until I have some trademarked prototypes available.
I figured today is a good day to present a “Then and Now” series entry. I wrote quite frequently after I came home from my first deployment.
Please forgive me for how I referenced ‘recruiting duty;” I should have specified recruiter’s assistance, but I may have done so in other journal entries.
In my “2015” life, I have some updates, not really good for me, but great for other veterans. A family was matched with the Chandler, Arizona Homes on the Homefront Homes. We figured by this point we weren’t the recipients since so much time had passed, but it is helpful to have the confirmation. We continue to pare down our debts and it’s quite possible we can purchase a home later this year. I’ll keep you posted on that front when the time comes. Recently as well, I was also informed that my artwork for SVA’s Warpaint was not selected as one of the top pieces. However, it will be shown in Washington D.C. later this month. My tuition and fees are paid in full by my Post-9/11 GI bill benefits, so it is less relevant that I did not win the scholarship. I am happy though my artwork will be displayed.
Recently, I mentioned Lady Brigade and i Rock the Boots because these companies are started up by female veterans and focus on supporting female military service awareness. Earlier this week, I had the fortunate opportunity to meet Michelle Bravo from i Rock the Boots; although I didn’t intend to meet her, she was in our office to talk to our director and I introduced myself. I wanted her to know that I wanted to accomplish something similar and looked to her (and Lady Brigade’s) designs because I did not want my efforts to infringe on their products. I know we find ourselves in particularly challenging times because our society is built on competition and there is a fine line to be drawn between innovation and imitation. I want to respect these women for their achievements. They both took different paths than what I’ve planned for myself, which is not a bad thing at all. These women have their own styles and I hope their clients appreciate the effort and quality of the products.
This being said, I think it’s important to delve more into what negative feedback is arising and think about why female veterans find themselves in this predicament. Below are some more snapshots of comments from the Buzzfeed article about Lady Brigade. The first one is worth really discussing, because not too long ago, I was asked to make a drawing that represented the notion of “make you own damned sandwich.”
Below is the artwork I came up with:
No part of this artwork may be used without my expressed permission.
This problem is a hegemonic view of women “belonging” in the kitchen. It is a statement not expressed specifically at women in the military but like other demeaning stereotypes geared towards women, this one has trickled down into the military. Apparently, a lot of people have caught on to their annoyance (or support) for this “Make me a sandwich (or sammich, depending on how dull one wants to sound)” statement. My Google image search brings up all sorts of interesting items:
There is one image though that I do like regarding this topic. It is fun without being vulgar:
Now, with my image, what do you think are the positive connotations being expressed regarding female veterans? As well, in what ways does the drawing reinforce stereotypes about female service members? There are no right or wrong answers, but please use consideration and clean language to comment on the matter. Thanks.
Turning 31 today was wonderful. In fact, my whole weekend was great. Last night, my family and I went out with some friends to a local pub. Our kids got along well and I didn’t drink in excess. However, I enjoyed watching my drunk husband…haha. It was a good reminder of when we were dating. He helped me out one night when I was incredibly drunk and our Marines planned an outing to the nearby Islands restaurant by our base for one of the Marines’ birthday. I spent the night sitting out in the parking lot and he stayed with me. I don’t know if anyone brought out food for him but I was too drunk to want food. On a separate occasion, I stayed with him after he drank too much. Last night I was his DD and our daughter did great staying up until almost eleven. Normally, I wouldn’t let her stay up that late but it was a special occasion celebrating a friend’s 35th birthday (February 25th).
I was fortunate to speak to my twin earlier today as well. We both mentioned the fact we cannot recall the last birthday we spent together. I think it might have been our 18th. She is still in Rhode Island with most of my family. As kids there was one birthday where we thought about making each other the same black bottom cupcakes we saw in one of my mother’s cookbooks. Perhaps the next time we are together again, we can make them.
Ten years ago, I came home from my first Iraq deployment so today will always be special for that reason as well. Below are a few photos I took of that adventure.
I didn’t write a journal entry that day but I wrote about how wonderful my homecoming experience was thanks to the Marines I traveled home with, the veterans who greeted us in Bangor, Maine and my work crew at 1st Marine Division:
Today was all about spending time with my family except for the portion of my day spent finishing up homework for my class ending on March 3rd. We are hoping to add a fuzzy family member to our family this year and met up with a local dog breeder for an hour today. My husband and I were were truly impressed with their dogs; honestly, I’ve never met a breed of animal whose personalities varied so much. We met one of their alpha females and a second female, whose temperament we liked better. Thankfully, we are ok with waiting if the latter doesn’t produce a litter until later this year.
We also enjoyed lunch today at one of my favorite places, Liberty Market. Normally, it’s one of our breakfast spots but they offer a $10 birthday discount so we finally went in for lunch. We always have great service there and the food is incredible.
Aren’t these beautiful?!I love this chocolate cake; we enjoyed a slice to celebrate.Salt River Bars…because I’m always mentioning these things when we go there for breakfast. It’s ok. It’s my birthday. I can have two desserts.Farmer sandwich with the side of the day.
It’s been wonderful enjoying a quiet day with my family. We’ve had a lot going on with our classes. I’m happy for the chance to enjoy slowing down, spending time with friends and my family, and taking the weekend off from work. Sorry I don’t have a photo of my family and I to commemorate this weekend. I like taking photos more than my family does. We’ll get an updated one here soon.
I want to start off by saying, I love the Marine Corps. Honestly, I do. Some of the information I am sharing today will not convey this message. I wrote the following journal entry back then in the midst of some degrading situations I encountered. At times, I was greatly frustrated with my experiences as a Marine. We are not without our problems as a military service branch, but I know throughout most of my experiences, the mentality of “taking care of one’s own” was drilled into us and I believe I’ve had a fair share of good leaders who valued their junior personnel.
I’ve also seen moments of downright poor leadership that I’ve talked privately about with friends and family through social media sites. As the single female at my first unit, there were times inappropriate comments were made to or about me that never should have occurred. Marines know better. In fact, Americans in general know better. Sexually harassment may not manifest itself on quite the same level or in quite the same ways as it did for past generations. I think a significant part of that change involves equal opportunity in the workplace and also improved consequences for individuals who break the rules set in place.
In sharing my story, please pardon my language. I’ve cut back on swearing, but back in 2006, I swore all the time. I did leave out parts of my journal entry because the information I discussed was not relevant to the topic of sexual harassment. I rambled on for a bit about my disappointment in American television shows, so I “cut out” the journal entry to focus more on the subject at hand.
I’ve chosen the wrong space on campus to sit and reflect on the fact 10 years ago, I left Camp Blue Diamond, Iraq to begin my journey home. The overhang of the building magnifies the sound of students surrounding me…
Ok, I left my space to find a slightly quieter one outside. I don’t know if the architects of the W.P. Carey building realized the overhang would reverberate sound as bad as it does, but the cacophony is unbearable. To me, at least.
Getting back on topic, in ten years, so much as changed since I left Blue Diamond. I got promoted. I got married. I went on a second tour to Iraq. I returned home safely again. I left active duty. I started my college education again. I moved to Wyoming. I gave birth to my daughter. I graduated college. I left Wyoming and moved to Arizona. I became employed. I was unemployed. I resumed employment again. I became a graduate student.
I sit at this computer today a different woman than who I was ten years ago. Back then, I loved a different person than the man who became my husband. We were an inseparable part of each other’s existence from basically the day we met. We didn’t plan on being partners, but we quickly became each other’s best friend. Before my deployment ended, we made plans on how life would be post-deployment. Like others before us, we weren’t quite aware of how difficult the transition home could be. Our respective individual burdens interfered with our ability to sustain that relationship.
In fact, I’ve never been so angry with one person in my entire life as I was with him during this transition. It’s not entirely his fault. My support system back home, which I expected him to be a part of, was quite broken. I let go of the relationship at the point where I was tired of living up to everyone else’s expectations of me. I was tired of feeling like my voice was ignored. I was sick of feeling like my needs as a person were less important. The relationship was a casualty of so many other things gone wrong and it took me a long time to realize it was ok to let go. That first year home, one of my favorite songs to ease my mind was Three Doors Down “Let Me Go.”
The following lines reminded me of how I felt:
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I’m goin through
It took time to realize that I didn’t know what I was asking him to commit to back then. In particular, I was asking him to make me a priority and move out to where I was when he had two kids who hadn’t seen him in months. As a mother now, I cannot imagine someone making the same demands of me. When my daughter hugs me in the morning after I drop her off at school, I feel like the most important person in the world. It doesn’t matter that I don’t earn a lot of money, that my husband and I don’t own a home, or that I see her in the few hours of my day that I’m not working. She loves me because I am her mom. She doesn’t want anything other than some time with me, a hug and a kiss here and there, and the chance to show me things she finds important.
I don’t regret the short time he was my boyfriend. I did not seek out someone to share my life with when I was in Iraq. I worked 10 am to 10 pm on day shift, which later transitioned to 10 pm to 10 am on night shift. On several occasions on day shift, my crew also was tasked with filling sandbags. Only near the end of the deployment when I switched to night shift did I have a partial workday once a week. Sleep was a priority to me. However, it was nice having simple routines like going to the gym with him or eating dinner together. Only after hearing Jason Aldean’s “Tattoos on This Town” did I find a song that got to the heart of this experience together; the chorus below is just a small picture of the beauty within the song.
It sure left it’s mark on us, we sure left our mark on it
We let the world know we were here, with everything we did
We laid a lotta memories down, like tattoos on this town
Like tattoos on this town
Post resumed at home———————————————————————–
Originally, I didn’t see the music video. Most times, I despise watching the videos, which often don’t do the songs justice in my mind. This one just so happens to mirror in a way our experiences.
Here’s a photo from my last day on Camp Blue Diamond when I ran into one of the Marines I trained with from MOS school.
Murphy and I outside the chow hall.
I didn’t write a journal entry that day as I was incredibly exhausted. Although I was promised a liberal amount of free time to plan for the convoy, I was unfortunately tasked with random things like attending a ceremony. I cannot recall who it was for because I honestly did not care one bit to be there. Leaving the base that night via convoy, I was so exhausted that I kept falling asleep periodically even though my weapon was Condition 1. Note, that’s an incredibly dangerous thing to do. It’s where you have a magazine inserted and a round in the chamber. It’s a horrible thing to admit as a Marine as well, but a Sergeant I knew stepped up as a leader and kindly told me it as ok to take my weapon to Condition 4 (chamber empty, magazine removed). The last thing certainly anyone wants is to accidentally shot themselves with their own weapon or worst still, to shoot someone else by accident. I can say that after I took my weapon out of Condition 1, it was easier to stay awake. I was more nervous about something bad happening and not being prepared to respond.
Weapons Conditions
Condition 1-safety on,magazine inserted, round in the chamber, bolt forward, ejection port cover closed
Condition 2-Does not apply to the M-16 Service Rifle
Condition 3-safety on, magazine inserted, chamber empty, bolt forward, ejection port cover closed
Condition 4-safety on, magazine removed, chamber empty, bolt forward, ejection port cover closed
My husband didn’t know me when I returned from Iraq. We didn’t met until a few months later; I think in May, but we only started to date in October of 2005. Later this year, we will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. In our 9 years of marriage, I’ve worried at times about how much we can love each other. When I deployed to Iraq the second time, we were married less than a month.
It’s taken a lot of time to trust that we can work through anything. I never experienced that commitment before; I didn’t know it would mean loving each other when we hated how each other was acting, or picking each up after setbacks or illness. He is patient in the times where I am frustrated by a multitude of things, namely technology and my weight. He reminds me that I am a good mother when I feel that I do not have enough time to devote to my daughter because I work more to provide financially for the future. In these times, I am reminded that we choose to make a life together, we agreed to make decisions together, we signed up for the miserable and the mundane. He is a partner I didn’t know would find me and love me for every flaw, every quirk, every bad mood, and every sly smile. I do not have to be perfect to earn his love. He makes me feel safe in ways I didn’t expect I would feel. He will never understand the journey that existed prior to our meeting but in small ways, sharing this experience is important to where I am today.
Below are photos from the brand’s website so you get a quick peek at the designs:
i Rock the Boots image
I found out about the second company, Lady Brigade, as my former USMC roommate, Sarah, shared it on Facebook. This company is also established by a female veteran. Nadine Noky started up her company last year.
Lady Brigade t-shirt (Image taken from their website)Lady Brigade t-shirt (image taken from their website)
While I was initially hesitant to look through the designs, I’m glad I did. I want to create awareness t-shirts, but being aware of what’s out there also serves a purpose in ensuring my designs do not closely resemble other products.
I wish both these women success in their endeavors; being an entrepreneur is certainly not an easy adventure, but the potential to change the world is pretty exciting. I understand there is negative feedback already brewing over Lady Brigade; you can see some of this animosity in comments listed on Buzzfeed.
Below are just a few of the comments being made; I don’t know if there would be such a negative response for a male veteran owned company. Perhaps. But I don’t think so. And if nothing else, some of these comments only make me more eager to get my own products developed.
Being a veteran is something to be proud of; I know I didn’t serve my country so I could get a ‘thank you’ at the end of four years. I served because someone I loved previously was killed and couldn’t finish his dream. I served because I didn’t want to be $80,000 in debt for college. I served because my father served in the Navy and I believe in our nation’s military. I served because I met veterans who impressed me. I served because I had friends also willing to serve. I served because there was no reason I couldn’t serve.
I am a veteran and I’m proud of my service. I talk to people about my service not because I want a ‘kudos’ from people; I talk about my service so people can understand our nation’s military and the gendered experiences in recruitment, training, deployment, and transitioning out of the military.
As such, it’s important to also support women like Major Bravo and veteran Nadine Noky in their efforts to shed light as well on female military service.
As a female veteran, I found this book to be an insulting representation of what life is like for women in the military in a time of war.
My voice is recovering. I have laryngitis so it might take a week to fully sound like myself again,but it’s nice to know I’m not contagious. I went back to work today and had class. I’m not the kind of person who typically takes sick days. Call it a bad habit from my Marine Corps service, but I am used to working through pretty much anything. We [recruits, in general] get what’s dubbed the recruit crud; oddly enough, as I was looking for an explanation of it for you all, I came across this article from the Navy’s website. I can’t recall ever getting the flu when I served. I even had the misfortune of getting my smallpox vaccine in Iraq because the girl who was designated my roommate stateside came to Camp Pendleton pregnant from MOS (military occupational specialty) school. Yes, I wasn’t allowed to get my smallpox vaccine pre-deployment because she was pregnant. And in case you get the smallpox vaccine during pregnancy or inadvertently become pregnant, you can check http://www.smallpox.mil/event/pregnancy.asp.
My journal from back then is as follows:
Today we were discussing Helen Benedict’s The Lonely Soldier: The Private War of Women Serving in Iraq. Originally, I was ecstatic to have a book all about female service members deployed to Iraq as part of my reading material, but I grew pretty incessantly mad at the author’s repugnant use of ‘soldiers’ to describe all service members. Time and time again, people refer back to the term, soldier, to describe all service members without taking into account it is not appropriate to call us all soldiers. Trust me, if you are not a soldier, it gets old. If you are a Marine, it is downright insulting.
Here’s something for you to break it down:
Army=Soldiers
Air Force= Airmen
Navy=Sailors
Marine Corps=Marines
Coast Guard=Coasties
I do digress, but I will jump on my soapbox repeatedly to tell people I do not like being called a soldier. I didn’t join the Army. I became a United States Marine.
The author dabbles a bit into discussing several poignant soldier (truly soldier) stories with some vignettes tucked in throughout to represent the voices of other service members. The main characters, however, are as follows:
Reading their stories was infuriating. Not because some of what they say might very well be true, but because there was a sheer lack of depth on the author’s part to fully investigate the experiences of female service members. Her main characters are National Guard and Reservist soldiers. They are, as is mentioned in the book, part time service members. They do not live, sleep, and breathe their service as active duty members do. The disdain active duty members typically feel towards reservists/the National Guard is quite palpable. However, that’s not to say that active duty members and their part time counterparts are always against one another. There is a trust that must be built as in any relationship, work, friendship, or otherwise.
In attempting to get through this book, I found myself relying on listening to music to keep my anger in check. Once again, I haven’t loved everything about my service and the ways I’ve been treated, but this book painted a poor picture that women can essentially expect to be raped, sexually assaulted, harassed, or put in harm’s way because their units don’t give a damn.
Yes, some women are raped. Yes, some are sexually assaulted. Yes, some are harassed. Yes, some are put in harm’s way, but not typically because their units don’t care; typically being put in harm’s way happens because up and down the chain of command (the order of supervisors and their junior personnel) somewhere there are incompetent leaders. Or sometimes, you are instructed to go into harm’s way. If you join any branch and serve in any capacity (National Guard, Reservist, or Active Duty) you should have the wherewithal to assume you might serve in a combat zone. I don’t care what your recruiter told you. You are serving in a time of war.
There are, like in the civilian world, bad people in the military. Men who rape women because they like the power and harm they cause. There are men who sexually assault women because they attempt to rape women and may not fulfill those attempts. There are men who harass women because they feel it’s socially acceptable. There are some men who put women in harm’s way, because there is a certain satisfaction they get from endangering others. There are recruiters who lie because their careers are on the line and they have quotas to meet. There are evil women just like these men. Just remember that statement for a second.
However, there are also many other men [and women] who work as partners, peers, and supervisors that work to prevent such treatment and to empower women to seek justice for the harm they suffer or have suffered. The women in this book, while they might not have felt comfortable, could have found resources outside their commands to address their concerns. It is preferable that any service member work within his or her command to resolve issues, but if your command has that many flagrant problems, trust me, there is always a line of defense you can you utilize elsewhere. There are many great men and women throughout the service branches that would not tolerate many of the behaviors mentioned in this book.
On another day, I will provide my thoughts as a veteran regarding some of the soldiers’ behaviors (unplanned pregnancies, drug use, and insubordination) shared in the book that is worthy of discussion as well.
She Wears Dogtags 