Writing About Your Life: Intimate Details

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I know it’s not normal for you to get an updated post from me this time of time but I am at home with my sick daughter and now that I’ve sent her off for an afternoon nap, it’s time for me to enjoy some “me time” which translates to writing.  It may not be what I do best [yet in my life] but it’s one of the best things I enjoy.

When I started this blog back in 2014, I mentioned something that probably did not come off as an intimate detail in my life.  I mentioned how, back in 2004, one of the Corporals at my unit told me not to write a book about Iraq.  Now, as a thirty-two year old, I cringe more when I think of that asinine statement.  There is not a single soul in this world that deserves to tell me what to do with my life.

I think war narratives are important, even if I haven’t liked all the ones I’ve read.  The point is not to get rich.  The point is not to be famous.  The point is to convey a slice of history that can be lost otherwise.  The point is to capture sights, sounds, people, and places that are changed in the moment and hopefully influence people to take a more nuanced approach to understanding war.

As impossible as it is to whittle down what I learned in graduate school, one of the best lessons I came away with is uncovering the extent of how society ignores, belittles, and underreports the achievements and lived experiences of women.  We are not shadows of living beings; we are living, too.  I say society in this reference in speaking specifically to American society however there are many teachings that shows us women compared to men are often given less notice.

I write to you all today to tell you I will write my book.  I will write it regardless of whether it gets published.  I will write it because there will never be another moment in time that mirrors this experience.  I will write it because there are numerous others who could gain something from this type of storytelling.  I will write because a song I heard recently made me think of this experience and the amount of emotional connection I have to that point in my life.

I will not forgo a personal achievement because another human being has such set opinions against writing war memoirs.

If you’re wondering about that song, below are the lyrics:

“Every Little Thing” (Sung by Carly Pearce)

The scent that you left on my pillow
The sound of your heart beating with mine
The look in your eyes like a window
The taste of your kiss soaked in wine

Every little thing
I remember every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Of every little thing

Guess you forgot what you told me
Because you left my heart on the floor
Baby, your ghost still haunts me
But I don’t want to sleep with him no more

Every little thing
I remember every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Of every little thing
I remember every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Of every little thing

They say time is the only healer
God, I hope that isn’t right
Cause right now I’d die to not remember

Every little thing
I remember every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Every little thing
I remember every little thing
I’m haunted by the memories of
Every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Every little thing

Writing for the Love and Joy of Storytelling

I write because I cannot remember everything.  I write because I want to remember special moments. I write because I want to remember people, good and bad.  I write because history changes so quickly.  Not everything I write is important to share publicly and many things that occurred privately have not been discussed in an open forum.  I write because I want–need–some peace in my life.  Writing is my escape from people, places, things I cannot change.

When I was younger, I struggled to cope with the loss of my mother and Bart’s murder.  Their absence from my life completely changed my life trajectory.  I chose to leave Rhode Island and then I made a life changing decision to become a Marine.  This decision had more than a temporary effect on my life, one that persists today.

I catch myself being caught off guard by my emotions as I start writing small stories to share in my planned book.  My interpretation of certain events is just that, mine.  For this reason, I am intentionally seeking people’s permission to share my view of our shared life experiences.  So many things/people/experiences will be intentionally excluded which lends a certain perspective to my story as does the inclusion of other details.  My emotional responses then and now as I construct these drafts remind me I love and enjoy storytelling.

I’m on guard–for the most part–in my public life.  I have certain responsibilities and obligations in my daily life to fulfill that require a certain demeanor.  My temper must be subdued.  I can’t call people out for their inappropriate behavior, even when they act like petulant children.  When I’m comfortable in the presence of guys, this ease–as my Marine Corps experiences have taught me–is often misinterpreted.  Our mainstream American culture, and its notions of heterosexual relations, sees closeness between men and women as heavily influenced by sexual intimacy and not always trust, personality compatibility, and interested in shared goals.

A huge area of concern for me, in my writing, is the fact I have so few examples of female leadership.  My spring studies taught me this is not inconvenient data, using some verbiage from my instructor, Dr. Weitz.  Unfortunately, I don’t enjoy talking about some of the women I’ve met in my life.  So often, I’ve felt awkward in the company of women.  Some are either too feminine, some are my competitors, and others are there asking for someone else to take care of them for their lifetimes.  Hence my struggle to adequately discuss women when I have such a biased opinion against people of my own gender.

I wish I could write about women as easily as I could (and can) write about the men in my life.

Taking on some serious homework to learn about the ethics of memory writing, per the advice from my professor.
Taking on some serious homework to learn about the ethics of memory writing, per the advice from my professor.