Hello, everyone. 2024 is almost done and with the winter solstice behind us, we are settling into a new season.

This past month, like any other, has varied between highs and lows. I love fall. It is my favorite season and I anticipate it to be my favorite for the rest of my life. Seeing the world fall away from the flashiness of summer and embrace all things that feel cozy speaks to me. I’ve come to love fall more as each Arizona summer becomes more unbearable and makes me contemplate moving out of this state to seek refuge elsewhere. (Conveniently forgetting that plenty of places have unbearable snow blanketed winters instead of scorching heat in the summer.) My biggest achievement last month was setting up my family military history locker. The company I purchased from is Mustard Made. Their Twinny locker has been my favorite although plenty of other companies also produce lockers; this one cost me just over $700 with shipping, making it something worth waiting for to ensure it was 100% what I wanted (color included).

This locker houses military items that once belonged to my late father-in-law, things from my father’s service, numerous training materials my husband collected, and all the sentimental things that make up my service, including the only set of uniforms I saved (minus the cover that’s gone missing). There is one scrapbook that is not shown in the locker. I had forgotten to move over my boot camp photo album as I’ve been toiling away on my memoir and numerous journals, photos, and letters have traveled from my home office to my living room or dining room or breakfast nook to my bedroom, depending on where I was writing. I have never established a designated space devoted to writing, but as a quick aside, if you wonder about authors’ writing spaces please read Rooms of Their Own: Where Great Writers Write by Alex Johnson.

I don’t collect military memorabilia, but I realized I do take pride in keeping some things that have become souvenirs. The Marine Corps, like any service branch, is always changing. It might change at a slower pace than our sister service branches, but I love to see how the service and I have changed over time. Challenge coins and foreign currency I picked up in Qatar and Iraq are housed here with the paper coins my service branch used in our post exchanges (PX’s) versus taking on the more expensive endeavor of bringing actual American coins overseas. My journal entries show that I struggled a lot emotionally with my time in service; I went from being thrilled to join, eager to serve in Iraq, frustrated with expectations, and ultimately, unwilling to continue on the path of feeling like I had to constantly do more to show I earned my place at the table. I say these things because not everyone’s service feels this way. It is ok to love and despise military discipline. I felt like there’s a lot about being a person that gets lost in the duty to country and if my voice was heard more, maybe I would have considered staying in for at least a second enlistment.

Leaving the Marine Corps opened other doors and I don’t want those doors to be considered lesser options, because challenges await us all whether it’s in-service, post-service, or we’ve never served a day in our nation’s military. I used my education benefits to offset the cost of four college degrees, two VA home loans in my name, VA health care (only more recently), and receive VA disability compensation based on health issues tied to my time in the Marine Corps. My life has been transformed, positively and negatively, from service and I continue to reflect on how serving in the Marine Corps shaped my life and the stories I tell my daughter who will one day only have stories about me to share with her children (should she choose to have them). The challenges this past month have centered on health issues and I was originally hesitant to share anything after UnitedHealthcare CEO, Brian Thompson, was killed December 4th. There were enough stories coming from others who have been frustrated with their ability to utilize healthcare and at a reasonable cost. There are stories worst than mine and I stayed out of the fray, allowing others to vent, including their worst thoughts about the loss of a man whose total compensation last year was $10.2 million made it hard for the average American to emphasize. His death, a tragedy of its own, was no less tragic than the many Americans whose lives are negatively impacted, to include their own deaths, based upon the myriad of challenges plaguing our healthcare system and the insurance companies who decided what services are warranted, to what extent will be paid, and when services can be accessed.

I am not the first to admit our country is terrible as far as healthcare access is concerned. I wish that was not the case. We’re a wealthy nation that does far too much to conserve wealth for those at the top at the expense of those at the bottom. Our country deserves to have a healthcare system that leans more towards a universal health care system. Perhaps one day we’ll get closer to that objective as more and more Americans are disgusted with the status quo and what that means for those living with chronic diseases and their family members that have perished due to unnecessary challenges associated with getting referrals and paying for care.

Developing edema last year and seeing the expenses related to that ER visit played a role in using private health care as little as possible. The timing of the visit made it less terrible than it could have been. I paid $200 or so out-of-pocket that evening and later saw that the total visit was about $5,000 sent to my healthcare company. We’d met our deductible, so things were ok financially but not all families are so lucky, especially if their medical needs have higher regular costs to manage them. My problems pale in comparison to theirs. The edema is a consistent issue and varies by day, but throughout the year, I developed nerve issues that started in my feet, moved up my leg, and after switching my exercise routine to pilates to manage my leg issues, I soon started exercising nerve issues in both arms. Since nerve issues are one of those invisible health conditions that are hard to demonstrate, I wanted to share with you all the swelling and redness that developed in my hands over the past few months.

My health care journey has included blood work and starting hand occupational therapy (OT) to manage my upper body concerns. Over the next month, I will begin working with physical therapy and have asked to start with my lower body extremities. About mid-November, I developed a fire-like nerve pain in my right upper thigh and daily, it still develops an uncomfortable warmth and sensitivity to fabrics. I cannot access a referral to rheumatology or cardiology (based on my exercise intolerance) until we’ve navigated lesser care options at the Veterans Health Administration. The OT is lessening the severity of the upper body nerve pain, but it is not completely gone nor has it alleviated the swelling, stiffness, and redness that develops in my palms. I started taking ibuprofen on my own to address my concerns although I did ask my provider to consider whether my combination of symptoms might represent lupus. (I am grateful for others in the medical care community who tell me to be my own advocate, which is why I brought up this concern.)

My symptoms more closely match lupus more than anything I’ve been able to find on my own.

• hair loss/excess shedding (this past year)
• reduced exercise tolerance
• hand stiffness with swelling
• hand redness
• nerve issues (all extremities)
• possible brain fog (I say possible because I am constantly learning new things at work and cannot determine if it’s a struggle to learn new things and balance the busyness of this season or if something else is at play)
• possible weight loss connection (I’ve lost 11 pounds this year I thought might only be tied to a prescribed low sodium diet but now I wonder if this might be a lupus symptom, too.)

Based on my challenges that have worsened since September, I’ve adjusted my home life a lot. (Thankfully, my supervisor and work mentor are great supports, so all I’ve done there is taken more sick leave to attend to my appointments.) My family is helping more when my issues make prepping meals, opening jars, or grabbing groceries more difficult. My exercise routine centers more on walks. I don’t run and I haven’t picked up pilates again as reducing my heart rate during exercise seems to positively reduce the amount of daily nerve pain. I am sticking to lighter weight routines and taking more time in-between sets to address my heart rate and prevent more exhaustion. Cooking is a space I am navigating carefully and trying to not feel frustrated that some meals are too complicated to make right now without more help.

I picked up Food 52’s Big Little Recipes by Emma Laperruque from the public library and the pared back recipes have been a blessing. This week I will make the smash-fried potato salad with sweet pickles and red onion, pork meatloaf with cabbage slaw, and asparagus and cashews with green polenta. Here is one of the previous recipes I made. I could not fit everything into the cast iron skillet I have. Instead, I had to spoon some of the schmaltz into a measuring cup and add it to a second skillet to roast the radishes. My store did not have radishes with greens still attached, so the results varied. I would recommend if you’re in the same boat you can pair with a green salad.

With the year ending so soon, I want to extend good wishes and lots of blessings for you and yours this season. Stay humble! 2024 may have been wonderful all around or hit you terribly hard. I don’t see what you’ve achieved or the pain you’ve endured, but my heart asks that you keep your chin up and reflect on your current situation. Don’t let pain let you sink further and don’t let your achievements stall you from becoming the best version of yourself. You can be an inspiration on both spectrums, but you need to take care of yourself first before you can give space for others who would benefit from your influence.

See you some time in January.

~Cheryl