Category: All Sorts of Fun

A Year of Health, Happiness, and Feeling Like ‘Home’ Is Less of an Abstract Concept

Thanksgiving 2023 is TOMORROW. Families or friends will gather to give thanks for all that they have. As someone who has struggled with being told to express gratitude, this holiday is one of the hardest for me. I AM grateful for all that I have; I just know for all the work I’ve put into certain endeavors my expectation for the final results has not always aligned with what came to fruition. Some years that progress is easier to greet. The more that I’ve seen social media explode into a world of influencers (with a lot less education might I add) flaunting monthly income figures easily topping $20,000 or more, the more disheartened I am that I committed to earning four college degrees and my take home seems paltry. My post-graduate career path has felt like I am on a crumbled asphalt road leading at points to a dirt path to a dying town no one wants to see survive. It’s like if you’re unwilling to hawk every product known to man to make a buck there is no (or little) space for you in this employment minefield. This situation has recently led to me popping onto social media for fixed amounts of time and to start culling my list of accounts I follow. I’m tired of everyone gushing over every car brand, type of wheat flour, fashion trend, or makeup product and their #ad posts reminds me that as much as I’ve cut back on retail therapy in my in-person life, there is always someone itching to sell a product online their own pockets. 2023 is a year I’ve worked to re-establish peace in my life.

This situation has not been easy to tackle. We are still witnessing the Hamas-Israel war continue to unfold; if things continue as they are, the Russia-Ukraine war will also hit another anniversary in February; this year, it took some time to watch my health turn around; and we’re all around the globe continuing to see unrealistic housing prices and grocery costs make it harder to get by. Reclaiming some semblance of control with what is and what is possible takes an honest look at the circumstances of the past, present, and desired future. As a war veteran, I am not near the landscape of either of these wars, so I am, like so many, an important witness instead of an active participant in the fighting. I have a responsibility to build my education about what is happening and to encourage the resolution of these wars. My heart has an unlimited capacity to care for the non-combatants whose lives have been turned upside down by these events. When I see their strife, I know that my chronic health struggles of this year pale in comparison. Not that it means I should not attend to my medical needs, but I can keep my complaints in check. I still live in a world where I can regularly access fresh safe drinking water, enough food to support my needs, and medical care to help reduce the severity of my symptoms and encourage the prevention of longterm health problems. This year, with the world being what it is, I have tried to enjoy the natural beauty around us more.

We started our year in California, having ended 2022 in a short vacation there. Our stay in Rancho Palos Verdes gave us a respite place to land after a difficult year where we lost our dog, Radar, to an unexplained illness. He struggled from the moment we brought him home with chronic skin infections and towards the end of his life all the veterinary care we could afford did not result in diagnosing a treatable condition. Starting and ending our day by the ocean helped me to appreciate the fact the world is vast and will always be larger than our existence as human beings. Every day, the ocean starts a cycle anew and is transformed by the heat of the sun, cloud cover, the wind, and the moment of animals. She is never the same, and I think I’ve had to learn to accept that about myself, too, instead of mourning the ways my career has not gone.

While I take a moment to breathe about where my career has not gone, I am fortunate that friends remind me of what has been. One of my Marine friends from my time with 1st Marine Division sent me this photo of our shop located at Camp Pendleton 33 Area. When I joined, it was the NBC platoon shop until our career path was re-fashioned as “Chemical Biological Radiological and Nuclear Defense.” Sandwiched alongside Combat Camera, I lived in a world that I was never quite sure I belonged in, but I was smart enough to squeak by and join. That imposter syndrome people talk about, I get it. There was so much educational material thrown at us during our MOS school that I no longer remember. Once I stopped using this information my brain was absolutely ready to dump it. I guess that’s why I never feel it necessary to tell people about what I did in the Marine Corps for my MOS. The work I did in Iraq for 1st Marine Division was outside the MOS and has remained a more honest reflection of my skills. I have a lot of administrative skill as it relates to records and seeing how different pieces of puzzles fit together. Could I run a gas chamber today, if permitted? Probably. I wouldn’t enjoy leading service members now through the steps of donning and clearing their masks and having them go through certain exercises in the gas chamber any more than I did in the service. But put me back into the command aspect of operations and I’ve found myself a home. It’s a different way of seeing people, society, the elements of risks and safety and I kind of shine there.

In trying to find where I belong, I also have to confront what is not meant for me. (Isn’t that one of the hardest things to accept?!). Earlier this year, we started to explore moving to a different part of the Phoenix Valley. Our current home has appreciated in value quite well due to the pandemic housing uptick and the modifications we’ve made to it since occupying the house. We educated ourselves about listing offerings through Zillow and ones curated from a custom listing search with our realtor. A 1950’s home was high on our interest list but we were never able to visit it since the family handling the estate didn’t respond in time to our request for a showing. We saw large properties (think 13,000 square feet…which is good for us here), but both of those older homes were less appealing on the inside due to lack of proper came from the homeowners. Nothing dire, but there would be some serious elbow grease involved and a questioning as to when things like the roof, water heater, and HVAC might be in need of replacing. One of my favorites, although it had a quirky layout, was a home in Tempe, Arizona. This is the front door to that place. It is more a patio home. We could have lived with the quirky layout, but it had an incredibly low fence, about 4-5 ft high. The lack of privacy and risk our dog (or future dog) would get out made it a no go.

This is where that journey of what’s not meant for you can lead into something that might be a better fit. We settled into the fact we weren’t uprooting our existing lifestyle (although we prepared and packed a bunch of boxes that are still packed up) and busied ourselves this summer with work until we could take our fall vacation. Going to Louisville, KY this year with a brief stay in Nashville, TN opened us up to a possibility we didn’t know existed. Our Marine Corps friend, who we were visiting to see him and his family, told us the state of Indiana offers a tuition and fee exemption for children of service-connected veterans. We’d have to live in Indiana for at least 5 years before our daughter is eligible, but it’s still worth exploring. Over the past few weeks, my husband and I have started to look at career and home prospects in the Indiana area. Knowing that it wouldn’t be good to just look at this one opportunity, we’ve both applied to different federal jobs: some are remote, one is in Kentucky, another is in Chicago, and we have covered our bases in the Virginia/Washington D.C. area. If we want more pay but aren’t in a position to settle in Indiana, we won’t have a tuition exemption for our daughter in the other locales. My preference would be for us to both move into higher paying remote jobs and find our next home in Indiana, allowing us to tick as many boxes of “financial life hacking” as possible. Plus it never hurts to live closer to people you love and trust. Our vacation visiting these friends was one of my happiest memories this year. I felt at home in Louisville and that doesn’t really happen when I visit somewhere new.

This sense of “home” is something I know is unique to all of us. I recognize some people are grateful they live in large cities with a plethora of amenities while others crave rural roads and lots of open space. Arizona as “home” has been something I’ve questioned a lot over the years. We had a real rocky start our first few years, but there are things that I also enjoy tremendously outside of living near some good friends (and family a few hours away). Seeing plants bloom in the desert is almost a spiritual experience. The area comes alive with color for a brief moment of time and the fragrant scent of some plants, especially after it has rained, has a calming effect. We don’t get a lot of rain, so it’s something I always look forward to here and I love when the sky darkens as monsoon rains are almost ready to cascade down on us. I also enjoy the smell of jet fuel when we visit ASU’s Polytechnic campus. Not the best thing to breathe in, but it is a reminder of passing diesel fueling stations at Al Asad Air Base and it’s a weird comfort thing for me. Will it feel weird one day to say goodbye to this place? Sure, but starting over somewhere new can be exhilarating. There are possibilities like owning more land, seeing more fall foliage, enjoying a smattering of new restaurants and cuisines not as easily found where we live now, and making the eastern half of the United States (and Canada) more feasible to visit.

Taking the time like this to write down about my year makes it easier to see that a lot has gone well, even if not all is right with the world. Tomorrow, we will keep our festivities simple. We ordered Hawaiian food from Highway Inn through Goldbelly. For dessert, I am making cookie dough dip from Blackberry Babe and we’re pairing it with Goya brand chocolate Maria cookies. A holiday cocktail is on the menu as well and for this year, I’ve chosen Liquor’s Expense of Honesty, which will require modifications based on the type of alcohol we have on hand. There is no way I’m visiting Total Wine the day before Thanksgiving!!! If our dog lets us, we’ll sleep in. The day with start with a leisurely walk and a morning coffee (black, no sugar or cream). We are not hosting anyone or going out anywhere. In this year where we’ve traveled more, there is no disappointment on my end to enjoy a quiet holiday at home. I will revel in fact we have a roof over our head, enough food, our health and happiness needs met, and a future that is ours to carve out differently than we previously imagined it would take shape.

Wishing you and yours the very best until we touch base again.

~Cheryl

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The Mild Side of Halloween

I LOVE Halloween. Absolutely love it. The kid who knew stranger danger a little too much and yet, Halloween has an opposite effect on me; sure I’ll go out and beg for candy at a stranger’s house. That’s not odd at all. As a kid, I remember dressing up as an angel and at some point, my cardboard wings got ensnared in a neighbor’s faux spider webbing. That was probably more terrifying than greeting strangers in our neighborhood and I don’t know why. We had a young girl who lived in our neighborhood who was abducted (and sadly, killed). I feel, in the interest of protecting that family’s privacy, it would be important to not share her name and possibly bring up painful memories for them. I was so young when it happened in 1991, I do not recall the neighbor although she was someone who attended my elementary school. There are ground rules in my home now though that are directly tied to this tragic event, but still, Halloween is one of those occasions I drop my guard around strangers.

Both my family growing up permitted us to trick or treat and for awhile, my husband and I allowed our daughter to trick or treat. One of the things I’ve enjoyed seeing over the years is the concept of “trunk or treating” since it is easier to supervise kids (both from possible predators and being hit by cars who don’t see kids in dark costumes as they cross the street). Trick of treating is a fond memory from my childhood and I like that in different ways, we’ve provided some semblance of that experience for our own child. My siblings and I used to take our haul and set up shop in our bedroom, perusing each other’s stash. Deciding the value of fun size snickers versus a fun size bag of M&M’s or a few Tootsie Rolls exemplified our biggest decisions to make each year. Being an only child, our daughter does not get that same experience, but we find ways to make the holiday special. This year, in lieu of trick or treating herself, she is passing out the goods (with our supervision, of course). We may not have candies set up for kids with food allergies, but we crafted some goody bags with bubbles and stickers as a safe alternative–also making sure to nab a teal faux pumpkin to place on the porch so those allergy prone kiddos know we have something other than snacks to offer.

I wanted to share today I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a milder version of Halloween. I was willing to watch (or as much as possible) scary movies like “Poltergist” and “Cudo” as a kid, but the adult me likes mild, like I like my taco seasoning. Surprises don’t sit well with me. I don’t want the faux blood and mannequins, the witch that pops up when you walk by, and I absolutely don’t want to see the fake entrails falling out onto the floor. I powered through as much of “The Northman” recently that I could–drawing the line at the point where a guy is shown on screen with numerous organs cascading everywhere. I was DONE. My kid-like Halloween festivities are zen inspiring (mostly). A lot of my decor screams I’ve read all the Marie Kondo books I could get my hands on and found the things that spark joy, and only joy. My mild side is also budget mindful.

The past few months we’ve paid an additional $700 per month towards the mortgage principal and if I go too Halloween decor crazy, I sacrifice a larger goal for a short term experience. To make up for the modest spending, I am soaking in all the Instagram love for the fun side of Halloween I can. Lately, I’ve found a number of amusing ghost posts. These two are pretty great finds:

This past month, I’ve thought a lot about how I wanted to tackle new Halloween purchases. We lost our youngest dog, Radar, last month to what is still an unexplained illness and the big thing that was off-limits to me based on how I’ve been feeling was avoiding the growing popularity of pet skeleton Halloween decor. I have some yogi skeletons so if I stumbled upon a new one, I was still willing to purchase that kind of skeleton. We are deviating a little from avoiding the pet skeleton idea as our daughter found these things called MeeMeows and one is a skeleton cat; it is a sugar skull concept design and that one plus the ghost cat and the werewolf cat are joining the growing zoo of stuffed animals. If you want to buy some Halloween cats, you can check out the site at aphmeow.com. (No affiliate or sponsored post here; these are just things that ended up being purchased for our home.)
Muted colors are becoming evident as our preferred Halloween decor and this blend of neutrals was not entirely planned. I started off originally picking up faux white pumpkins because I like how little touches of white make a home look. Choosing faux versus real was an easy choice; real pumpkins start to rot, but faux pumpkins only require some gentle dusting and occasionally wiping down as the dog gets slobber everywhere and on everything. The two paper mache pumpkins hail from Target, setting me back only $5 and they look so nice as is our other decor choices, I won’t bother painting them. When I previously bought the larger yogi skeletons from Michael’s, a gold option was available. The store had sold this size for about $12 and I believe I got them on sale for $6 (Note: I did not find these on the shelves again this year, ruining my plan to get a different posed skeleton.) By the way, Trader Joe’s does not seem to have its yogi skeleton air plants in stock either. The slight detour in design choice was my Cute and Spoopy framed print by Jame Zolo through Society6. (Again, not a sponsored post. In case you need a reminder.) I love it a lot though and might add other ghost prints in years to come.

My plan this year had been to dress like Jessie from Pokemon this year. Will I go through with it? I don’t know. I might need to look for one of her vacation outfits to recreate the look and I’m still wondering how to craft that crazy long hair (and how to keep it in place). For now though, I leave you with a photo of me dressed up in high school with two of my siblings. I wanted to find a few little kid Halloween costume photos I know exist, but those must still be at my parents’ house. And before I forget, a little thank you to my current readers. My choice to deviate from talking about student loan forgiveness this month is entirely related to the fact nothing has happened at this point. I’ll treat you all to a discussion on what my student loan forgiveness looks like when it actually happens. Let’s hope it actually happens and is a treat, less a trick. I don’t care for pranks.

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Money Talks & The Good Life: Part 2 of 2

In probably the last year or two I’ve started to recognize the term “side hustle” on a number of the sites I frequent.  It’s become quite popular, in fact.

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So what exactly are we talking about when we say ‘side hustle’?

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A side hustle is a fancy term for a [insert whatever amount of time commitment] job.  My top frustration with the talk of a ‘side hustle’ is how it’s being toted, in some places, as an easy commitment of your time to make additional money.  I think this misunderstanding drives a lot of people away from the idea of taking on additional work because they think it must be boring, unskilled tasks that no one would otherwise want to take on for ‘real work.’  (Note: Again, not everyone sells a side hustle as this sort of labor, but I see it and I’m sure I’m not the only one.)

There are some stories of pretty great side hustles.  The ones I notice most are when people take on a side job that interests them (writing, baking, etc.).  There also doesn’t seem to be a limit on available side job opportunities.  If you are lost for ideas you can do what I did and Google “Side jobs for [insert an interest, profession, or skill].”

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If you need or want to make extra money, opportunities are out there but it will take a commitment of your time and energy.

Yesterday, I spoke about my relatively low income and how it’s become more of a frustration for me.  Like Erin Lowry and her article How I Went From Making $23K to $100K in Just 4 Years I, too, get sick of scrapping by.  For this reason, I wanted to share the end results of my “side hustle” aka getting paid to go to school to compensate for the low pay at my current position.  However, before delving into my current finances, I know it helps to share my background as well.  Different areas of employment offer different incentives and pay; those occupations also require different educational backgrounds and skills.  These factors cannot be overlooked in any conversation regarding money.

2003 to 2007: United States Marine Corps

I’m using numbers from the DFAS website as I cannot get Marine Online to view my historical pay and I no longer have the bank accounts I had back then.  There are numerous allowances one can receive: basic allowance for subsistence, basic allowance for housing, clothing allowance, hazardous duty pay, etc. which is why I just wanted to focus on just basic pay numbers.

  • 2003 E-1 w/less than 4 months of service= $1,064.70/month
    • Joined in July: Approximate basic pay for 5.5 months $5,855.85
  • 2007 E-4 over 3 years of service=$1,883.10/month
    • Left the Marine Corps in July: Approximate pay for 6.5 $12,240.50

2007-2009: Kay Jewelers

  • $10.50 an hour/typical hours worked: 30
    • Annual pay $16,000

2011: Unpaid internship with the Naval Criminal Investigative Service

  • $0.00 (16 hour a week commitment/10 weeks)

2013: Working for Public Health

  • $48,942 is the listed annual salary
  • I worked there for 6 months so my salary was $24,471 (40 hr week commitment)

2013-2017: Working at a 4-yr Institution of Higher Learning

  • 2013 ($15.63 hour/$32,500 annual)
    • Approximate 2 months worked=$5,000
  • 1st pay increase ($15.94 hour/$33,155 annual)
  • 2nd pay increase ($16.31 hour/$33,924 annual)

As you can see my pay has not been substantial.  My side hustle of using GI Bill benefits, by comparison, has greatly provided for my family and I.  Below are the numbers from my direct payments.  I received 36 months of the Montgomery GI Bill that was enhanced by paying into the $600 Buy Up program and having the Marine Corps College Fund.  I’ve also already received most of my 12 months of the Post-9/11 GI Bill.

It’s important to keep in mind the Montgomery GI Bill is paid to students and students still make their tuition payments to their respective institutions.  The Post-9/11 GI Bill pays out tuition and fees, a book stipend, and a housing allowance for eligible persons.  Percentages vary from 40% to 100%.  (By the way, if I made a mistake about the two January 2011 payments my apologies.  I cannot open up eBenefits to ensure I didn’t make a transcribing error when I downloaded information from the site and entered it into Excel. It’s quite a long time ago and I no longer have the same bank account my GI Bill benefits went to at that time.)

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My Post-9/11 GI Bill provided greatly for me.  The amount of housing I’ve received alone make a monumental difference in allowing me to stay in my current place of employment as long as I have.

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The amount paid to Arizona State University is as follows:

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To make it easier to consume together, here’s my significant “side hustle” from 2008 to 2012 and 2014 to 2016.

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The reason I’m ok calling my education a side hustle is there are plenty of service members and veterans who end up not using their GI Bill entitlement.  It’s the same thing from a payment perspective as not taking any other sort of odd job you are qualified to do but choose not to do.  You are not taking advantageous of an opportunity to get paid for your time and effort.  (For my veterans reading this article, you have 15 years from separating from active duty to use your Post-9/11 GI Bill.  Do not let it go to waste.)

The money I’ve received from my paycheck versus my GI Bill entitlement is more important in the fact I pay into the Arizona State Retirement System.  Over 11% of my income is taken out for retirement and while my employer also pays the same amount, it’s hard to have this much money taken out as the only regular income my family receives.  When I worked for the Public Health and was later not offered full-time employment, I had to make the hard decision to withdraw my money and pay the penalties for early withdrawal.  At the time, the state’s unemployment system was three months behind and after already coping with a yearlong deployment my savings account was not sufficient to survive the second bout of unemployment.  Ironically, I gained employment again at the time I was finally eligible for unemployment benefits.

In a short while, I will find myself ending my journey in my current place of employment.  At this time, I need more freedom in my take home pay which can only be offered by a company that utilizes a 401(k) and I also want a work environment that lets me be more flexible in my hours.  My daughter is still young so working around her school commitment is a high priority in my life.   The reality of our family situation is also why I’m being a bit more honest about my pay.  I recognized the hard way your traditional job does not easily pay the bills (and for the wants that naturally we all have as people).  I used a great tool available to me and was paid to attend school.  Thankfully, I enjoy learning so my side hustle wasn’t a chore although completing papers late into the night after working all day wasn’t fun.

My diligence paid off.  My side hustle earned me a total of three degrees and gave me extra money in the bank at the times I needed it most.  The best part is my GI Bill benefits, as opposed to my income, is also non-taxable.

Down the road I know I will become better at advocating for myself and hopefully in sharing my story today, others feel inspired to assess their current situation and future goals.  Money is an important part of that personal assessment.

We shouldn’t be afraid to ask for financial compensation but also be willing to take steps to accomplish our end goals when traditional routes just don’t cut it.

~Cheryl

 

 

 

 

 

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Catching Up: 2006 versus 2016

My apologies for being one of the worst blog authors you’ve probably put up with in a while.  Over the course of the last few weeks, I dug deep into my applied project write-up and mulled over what to include/exclude from my applied project itself, which will be a 20-25 minute iMovie.  Upon completion of my project presentation, my goal is to return to video to this site for public consumption.  It is–and is intended to be–an alternative American war narrative, so be prepared for the fact it neither feeds into the normally messaging seen in American war genre films nor is it fully on the other spectrum home to anti-war sentiments.

Earlier this year though I promised you I would also do a 2006 versus 2016, especially as it relates to giving you what I essentially feel is the other half of my military service.  Life at 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing (MAW) and my second Iraq deployment with Marine Aircraft Group (MAG) 16 represented a significant culture shift from ground side Marine Corps life. Therefore, today, I am upholding my promise to you.  Today I will start my 2006 to 2016 comparisons; while not complete, these entries that follow intermittently for the rest of the year will allow you to see the different voice I took with my writing and also contribute to a better understanding of how that time further honed my desire to leave the Corps and assimilate back into civilian life.

Please enjoy the older journal entry below, previously posted on MySpace.  (I know I’m dating myself and as I’m learning in class, I am still dating myself with my reliance on Facebook, too. )

~Cheryl

p.s. I have to chuckle at my old self, too.  I totally love (some types of) white wine now and I’m a big Tennessee whiskey and Kentucky bourbon fan.  I will probably equal disappoint a lot of people when I mention that the only sweet red wine I like I found at Trader Joe’s.

I do see some bitterness placed (unduly) on my senior prom date and this is why situating an event in context matters, which I failed to do in the journal entry below.  He was sick when he took me to prom and unfortunately, as one of the not-so-cool kids, I was in the unfortunate position of nearly every popular girl in my class coming over to talk to my date, who was older than all of us.  He, being the nice person that he was and likely still is, apologized for the state of our evening but obviously the person I was back in 2006 was still a bit hurt my senior prom did not live up to expectations.

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Me, on the left, deciding to show off my athletic physique for senior prom.

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At Work, At Home, At Play: What’s Revealed in Service Member Photography

Good morning, everyone!!!  Ahhh…quick breather.  January is almost over. In the brief span of time that’s transpired since the term began, I have made substantial progress focusing on my applied project.  This progress is due, with great thanks, to Dr. Beth Swadener, who has facilitated a writing seminar; my peers in Dr. Swadener’s course; Dr. Rose Weitz for her continued support and acceptance on my applied project committee; Nancy Dallett for being a wonderful sounding board and constant companion in my work life; my peers in my SST course this semester; and most certainly, my friends and family who stand by me during this crazy adventure, both academically and through this blog.

Today’s blog is built on one of the materials that will find its way into my applied project. Recently, I found Liam Kennedy’s 2009 article, Soldier Photography: Visualising the War in Iraq.  The article is available through the following stable URL:

http://www.jstor.org/stable/40588076

If you do not have access to this resource via an academic library, like I do with ASU, the download costs $34 or you can read it online by registering for a JSTOR account.

Getting back to today’s discussion, I think Mr. Kennedy brings up some excellent points about why service member (my preferred term versus his term, ‘soldier’) photography is aiding a better global discourse on the understanding of war.  Below is a great insight he adds to how the communication process regarding ‘war’ has changed over the decades:

“The Vietnam War was the first televised war, the first Gulf War was the first satellite war (CNN’s war’) and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are the first digitised wars” (Kennedy, 2009, p. 819).

So, why is the change in communication important?

In a nutshell, the answer to this question is this correspondence teaches us the reinforcement of cultural perspective and operational burden in war, both operational security and trauma sustained by service members (Kennedy, 2009).

For many reasons, I have taken for granted the ‘freedom’ I enjoyed to share my deployment experiences with friends and family members with almost instantaneous feedback.  On many occasions, it took me several saved drafts on MySpace to craft a post for my loved ones but the next time I logged in, I would have some responses to my situation.  These messages sustained me when snail mail was lacking.  I knew my family cared for me, despite their beliefs about war–in general–and about my war, specifically.  One of the best benefits to this freedom was corresponding with loved ones who also operated in different areas of Iraq, at the same time.  I cannot discount how important it was to know friends were safe despite being located in close proximity to indirect and direct forms of combat engagement.

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Kennedy, 2009, p. 827

With respect to both deployments, I didn’t take a significant amount of photos.  I used several disposable 35mm cameras for Operation Iraqi Freedom 2-2 (1st Marine Division deployment) and had both disposable cameras and a digital camera my husband sent over for the second deployment, Operation Iraqi Freedom 5-7 (3rd Marine Aircraft Wing where I deployed with Marine Aircraft Group-16, known as MAG-16).  I would aptly agree with Kennedy that ‘tourist’ photography describes the majority of photos I took for both deployments, like many of my peers’ photographs.  The landscape is different, the ‘feel’ of the base, while it retains aspects of American culture, is a smaller version of American consumerism.  Camp Blue Diamond had a small internet cafe crafted out of a trailer with plywood dividers to give individuals some sense of private conversations.  A PX (Post-Exchange) also crafted out of a trailer provided a small array of necessary items, like service chevrons, and coveted items, like snack foods.

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After all these years, I still have my M & M’s bag. Look at the production and best by dates.

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My view heading over to Camp Ramadi (2004).

When it comes to photographs of my self, I have very few.  Because it is significantly still a taboo subject to date in a combat zone, I only had one photograph using my cameras of my boyfriend and I together on my first deployment the day I left Blue Diamond, February 25, 2005.  The others I have of us relaxing with Marines from his work were taken by him or members of his unit.  For my second deployment, the best photos of me at work and at play were compiled into a unit video.  Unfortunately, my computer does not take good snapshots from the video.  I will try to find another way to acquire those photos to share.  There was a great one of me in one of the chairs in the palace in Baghdad and I look incredibly tiny.  See…again…that tourist tendency.

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Bringing new meaning to paper money.

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I tried not to infringe on the privacy of my peers, so these are the few photos inside our barracks (Camp Blue Diamond).

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Rules of engagement…in case you were interested.

I do regret not taking more photos because there is so much to learn from those experiences.  Camp Al Asad was essentially a small city unto itself (and likely, retains some of those features).  We had a Subway, coffee shop, Pizza Hut, and Burger King, a barber shop, and many trinket shops, just on our side of the base alone.  I was too nervous to travel the rest of the base by myself.  Instead, I spent much of my second deployment walking to the internet cafe set up in the operations center.  My (mostly) solitary walks provided me the opportunity to appreciate the natural beauty that is Iraq, with its limited infrastructure.  Sunrises and sunsets are incredible.

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However, as important as it is to discuss our visual representations at war, we must equally discuss coming home.  Below are some brief snapshots to show how transition is discussed (as of 2005).

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Additionally, please enjoy a small peek at what my barracks life looked like in early 2005.  It was a pretty spartan existence compared to the 1,400 sq. foot home I occupy with nearly 10 years’ worth of furniture, artwork, scrapbooks, etc. that make up my current life. I lived in one of the barracks on the Camp Margarita area of Camp Pendleton near the Subway.

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The Marine Corps blanket covers my bed.  It was given to me by a former substitute teacher, who served previously as a Marine officer.

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With some of my first deployment earnings, I purchased my first desktop computer.

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Ah, the spartan life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Homecomings: Snapshots & Realities

Hmmm…so lots of good things went down last week, but the short work week was insanely busy.  I added more social events to my weekly plans than I would normally accommodate, which meant I’m recovering from sleep deprivation this week.

Devin Mitchell made himself at home when visiting Memorial Union--it was so great meeting him!
Devin Mitchell made himself at home when visiting Memorial Union–it was so great meeting him!

I had a great time meeting Devin Mitchell, photographer for Veteran Vision Project, for starters.  I promise once my photo is finished, I will share it with you all.

Ehren Tool treated us to a show--he made several cups on site out of a 25lb. block of clay!
Ehren Tool treated us to a show–he made several cups on site out of a 25lb. block of clay!

I also met Ehren Tool who came to ASU recently.  Please know I will devote a whole entry to him here soon–probably this weekend.  I checked out his gallery talk and there’s so much I want to digest before sharing my thoughts.

Last week was also Marine Week!!!  My family went to the exhibits at Mesa Riverview Park.  I am proud of all the Marines who worked the event–their efforts were flawless.  While I love all my Marines, I especially love seeing the Silent Drill Platoon perform.  However, the exhibits started at ten and by noon, my five-year old had enough of the heat.  She didn’t care the Marines performed without talking–that they tossed rifles in the air–she just wanted to leave.

IMG_7581 IMG_7582IMG_7592I mention my–happily–busy week because I enjoyed being a participant of each but also because they touch on different aspects of homecoming for me, in literal and figurative ways.

Today, I came across the image below (and many others) through MSN and it made me realize I’ve wanted to discuss the notion of ‘homecoming’ for awhile–scraping below the surface meaning of the word.

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In the simplest sense “returning home” is a neutral and somewhat vague concept.  It can apply to a person and/or group; it also doesn’t matter–in the context of the definition–where the individual (or group) had been but their destination–home–has social value.  Home can also encompass many different places, depending on the individual or group.  The definition is also a little less vague in the fact it limits homecoming to a singular event.  Lastly, and I want to hinge on this key point, homecoming is overwhelmingly used to describe the occasion in the positive.  The four insights I just gave you for ‘homecoming’ provide some talking points about why homecoming is a difficult term to associate with military service.

Home–as a destination–is what matters.

I love the concept of ‘home’ but it’s different once you leave, potentially good and bad.  The landscape will change over time, the people will change over time, the social setting will change over time.  Will ‘home’ still feel like home after weathering these changes? In my situation, home has a short lifespan of feeling comfortable.  I can weather home (Rhode Island) for about a week before feeling antsy for my normal routine.  My physical home is enjoyable when I’m not reminded of the slew of chores to maintain my residence.  I feel incredibly embarrassed to complain about having a roof over my head knowing that so many do not.  I should find more simple joy in what is, even when it does not live up to my standards.   I also think the current Syrian refugee crisis added a further layer to the conversation: what if you never get to go home?  It’s difficult to watch so many people treat these refugees (and refugees, in general) as less than human.  There is so much space in this world and so much potential for peace, prosperity, and creativity if people opened up their ‘home’ nations so that others may have a safe place to call ‘home.’

What is home?

Home can be a place/feeling/a person.  I often fail at captivating my audience about why Iraq will always feel like home to me.  I saw so little of it and yet, in my heart, I feel it is a beautiful nation undergoing years and years of great tragedy.  It is also home because of a love/respect/deep friendship that happened there.  The reality of my situation is I left ‘home’ then and returned to the States, a place that no longer felt like ‘home.’  When I describe home now, I typically use the word in two ways.  I describe Rhode Island as home; it’s where the majority of my family lives.  I describe my residence as home because that’s where I live.  Iraq is my past home and I’m bothered that terrorism is still rampant there.

Homecoming as a ‘singular’ event.

I’ve had many homecomings, usually in the sense of high school dances but also trips back east and returns to the States, once after a trip to Cape Verde and twice from deployment.  Homecoming in the military sense would describe my arrival back at Camp Pendleton after the first deployment and my arrival in Sheridan, Wyoming after the second deployment.  Those happenings were less positive (see focus on this issue below) than portrayed say in the images above.  Homecoming–for me–has been a process and not a single event here and there.  In October, I can add another lenses to the notion of homecoming when I attend training in Nashville, Tennessee.  More to follow on that issue later.

Homecoming-facing the past, present, and ‘pain points’

I mentioned earlier homecomings are thought of as positive events, but what about when they aren’t?  Your story–pain and all–is marginalized in history.  Not too long ago I watched Fort Bliss per one of my professors’ recommendation.  There are tough moments in the film, which I will discuss one day, but this story provides a truer glimpse that homecomings are not always beautiful singular events.  Not everyone is greeted by their families; in familial units torn by divorce, as depicted in the film, who knows is your child will embrace you or be present when you step off the bus?  I didn’t have my family waiting for me when I came home from the first deployment, but my unit was there–they were my family–but even my social network there was incomplete.  Returning from the second deployment, I was embraced by my husband and his family, but once again, my family wasn’t there.  Sometimes, it’s very difficult being the adventurer in the family.  Everyone stays in their comfort zone in Rhode Island.  I journey home time and time again, bearing the financial burden and emotional toll of not seeing my actions reciprocated.  In the last few years, especially as I recovered financially from unemployment, I haven’t made the journey home.  I don’t want to cough up $2,000 or more for flights, hotel rooms, meals, and so on because I know it’s a huge dent to my savings and I have zero desire to put those expenses on a credit card, unless it was an emergency.

I know I’ve given you more to digest today than I normally do and in odd fashion, started on a positive note and ended on more serious thoughts.  There is always a happy thought in my day, despite my seriousness.  To prove it though, please enjoy the cute Prickly Pear image. below.  I use these stickers all the time on Facebook; Prickly Pear stickers are my stickers of choice for Facebook messenger.  They always put a smile on my face.

~C

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Veteran Vision Project: Sentiments of a “Model”

My Little One and I
My Little One and I

Yesterday’s photo shoot with Devin Mitchell (Veteran Vision Project photographer) went so well, I wanted to share my feelings about it. I won’t divulge exactly how the photo was laid out, although I did discuss it with my local peer group (perks for those who work with me and for whom I work for) because this is such a big deal for us. Devin did a fantastic job putting the finishing touches on my general concept. The photo above is an after shot my husband took of our daughter and I.

In encouraging others to participate as models, let me say, Devin does not direct how something should look or feel. His interest and his heart are for allowing your message [whatever it may be] to shine. I indicated what room we would be photographed in, the items I was interested in having in the shot, and I picked my uniform, my civilian dress, and my daughter’s clothes. Devin managed the logistics for us, because he has the eyes as the photographer on where things (and us) had to be moved to make best use of our space. He listens and he notices. He found a better arrangement for our artifacts I had not considered as I was looking through the situation as the subject and how controlled I see my everyday life.

In sharing details of my life and what I want both stories to say, Devin figured out what I could not see.

As well, I want to touch on Devin’s professionalism. He has done a great job tackling multiple assignments and when the one before mine was running over time, he called me right away to discuss his scheduling conflict. He also asked my permission to bring over two of my ASU colleagues, which we didn’t originally plan for the photo shoot. My anxiety crept in a little because ASU has lots of employees–trust me I do not know them all–and I wasn’t sure what the vibe would be like meeting them on the spot for something so personal. Taking to heart the notion of Semper Gumby (Always Flexible), I once again trusted Devin and opened my home as well to my fellow ASU peers. It turns out I already knew one, Kevin, and I met Ben. Both were respectful and had a good time hanging out with my husband and daughter while I changed over from my civilian dress into my desert camouflage uniform and pulled my hair up so it was up and off the bottom edge of my collar per regulations.

Trust me…it sounds like it should be easy to change over, but not when shoulder length, layered fine hair is involved. On top of those issues, I had spent probably 45 minutes or so curling my hair, spritzing it with product, and re curling the sections that fell flat as I curled other sections. I expressed decided against a sock bun although that was the way I wore my hair when I was in, except for the time period where I cut my hair short. That time period was post my first deployment and I donated the hair to Locks of Love. Although I had a period of instruction in boot camp on how to do either the sock bun or a French braid, I never mastered a braid until after having my daughter. (Thus far, I’ve learned to do a French braid, Dutch braid, waterfall braid–barely–and a fishtail braid, although it’s difficult for me to do on my own hair.) I asked Devin to not photograph the back of my hair…there were some wispy pieces, which have always been a problem for me. I was constantly critiqued for my hair at boot camp.

Putting on my full uniform (minus a cover, what civilians call a hat…not on duty, not wearing a cover) again was an experience. I last tossed on boots and uts [utilities] for a camping trip awhile back. It’s been 8 years since I wore my uniform as I would wear it for work. My utility bottoms felt huge; I had to look at the size tag to ensure I didn’t have my husband’s trousers. I was 108lbs. when I left the Marine Corps. I now weigh 112lbs. and there was still plenty of room for a second one of me in those trousers! The full experience of getting dressed “for work” again was striking. I measured the proper placement for my brand new chevrons on Monday–no room for error. Thank you to Sgt. Grit for getting my items to me on time. I ordered the chevrons, an extra gray martial arts belt–which surprisingly now has velcro on the inside–and boot bands. The martial arts belt ended up being unnecessary as my husband located my old one. No problem with an extra belt though…it will always come in handy on camping trips!

I felt like a completely different woman again coming downstairs in my uniform. My daughter has never seen me dressed that way. As well, I also wiped a full face of makeup off I had on specifically for the civilian photo–primer; two kinds of concealer; three different kinds of mascara; gel eyeliner; and a lip stain. For everyone who knows the daily me, I do not invest 45 plus minutes of doing my hair or don this much makeup in my every day life, with the exception of special occasions. Yesterday was about making a statement on so many levels, even if not all messages will be recognized by all audience members. Photographing myself as ‘flawlessly beautiful’ versus my ‘barely there make up beautiful’ was an important message for me to convey based on my feelings about society and makeup.

I will save my discussions about the context of my photo for when it becomes available. Now that the nerves have (mostly) gone away, I will report I am happy I took this leap. I put myself out there to make my statements, all important in different ways. More so, I am happy to support Devin who is doing great things with the Veteran Vision Project. Once he gets his book is published, I am definitely purchasing a copy!!! I can’t wait to have his time capsule of history as a treasure in my home.

Semper Fidelis, everyone.

~Cheryl

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Veteran Vision Project is Coming to ASU

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We are inching closer to Devin Mitchell’s visit to Arizona.  He will photograph Arizona State University staff, faculty, and students to celebrate their statuses as veterans,  photos that will later be shared publicly as part of our Salute to Service events.

Am I excited?!  Yes!!!

Devin has done a fantastic job photographing veterans across the country and I am delighted he was interested in photographing veterans from the institution he attends. Nancy Dallett, from the Office of Veteran and Military Academic Engagement, has partnered with many wonderful ASU personnel–too many new names for me to mention at this time–who are also equally interested in seeing Devin’s vision elevated further.  I am happy for my tiny link in this whole process.

I registered on the Veteran Vision Project website and am waiting confirmation on whether I’ll be photographed. This time has given me the opportunity to reflect on how I wish to be portrayed as a civilian.

I think this objective is probably the hardest thing to focus on; I can have potentially one snapshot–a singular message–to share with the world. Do I present it to veterans? Do I present it to civilians? Do I code it as a private message to those I love? Is it possible to make it something just for me although it’s public? I haven’t made a decision on my civilian outfit yet, but I’ve already decided that my desert camouflage uniform is what I’m most comfortable wearing for my military photograph because I identify more with my war service than my garrison service.

My military identity is simple, compared to my civilian identity.   There are rules on how to wear a military uniform and certain expected behaviors when wearing a uniform. There is a proper placement for my rank. There is a proper way to wear my MCMAP (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program) belt, gray by the way. I didn’t devote too much time to martial arts during my four years. My boots are still laced left over right and a single dog tag still hangs off the laces, but I tuck it in under the eyelet holes. (I can’t recall when I stopped wearing my medical alert dog tag; I’m allergic to amoxicillin but the medical dog tag is larger than my regular identification tags and uncomfortable to wear in my boots.) I’ll wear my dog tags, like I do every day. (New readers will probably be amused I took up wearing my dog tags–one of my signs of military service– again late last year to gauge how much people recognize me as a veteran, to spark a conversation.) I won’t wear my cover, if photographed, because I will be indoors and I’m not on duty.

For now though, thank you for following this journey.  I am always astonished by the number of opportunities that are presented to me as a result of serving this country and I appreciate the platform to share my story.

Sincerely,

C

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Veteran Vision Project: Walking Through Two Identities

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I have what I feel amounts to a small amount of photos from my service. As such, I enjoy seeing the Veteran Vision Project for restructuring the conversation about what it means to be a veteran. In these photos, we get a small glimpse of the dual identities veterans navigate.

I found one of the issues I struggled with in my own life was who do I want to be after having the honor of wearing Marine Corps uniforms for four years. When I started working for Kay Jewelers in 2007 after leaving the Corps, I adopted a new “uniform” of New York and Co. button down shirts, slacks, the occasional skirt, pantyhose, and kitten heels. My employment there ended in 2009 with our move to Wyoming and I quickly reverted back to my comfort zone of hoodies, shirts, jeans and sneakers. It’s an easy enough wardrobe to maintain and not look out-of-place back there.

I always found it a bit funny to see people primp themselves to take a trip to Walmart; however, it started to make sense when I realized you’ll run into just about anyone there. And I do prefer someone caring for their appearance (even a little too much) as opposed to someone walking down the aisles dressed in pajamas. Seriously, it’s not that hard to at least throw on a clean shirt and jeans.

I feel most comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans, but I also want to feel comfortable dressing my body as I age. My civilian work doesn’t require I be physically fit and as such, I’ve put on weight by adopting excuses for not maintaining fitness standards. Not much weight, mind you. My most comfortable weight as a Marine was 108 pounds and now I hover between 113 and 115 pounds. It’s not a drastic difference, but I’m certainly softer than I’d like to be. I am steadily forcing myself to fit exercise back into my schedule to drop my weight back to 108.

As I further own and find comfort in my civilian identity, I understand I owe myself grace on accepting the “new” me. I take on different responsibilities now and have different demands made of my time. This fact rings true especially as an employed person who is also a mother, wife, and graduate student.

However, I do want to share with you all photos that show the other side of me. I’ve been blessed to grow up in a time where print and digital photography collide. I had (and have) other people take my photo and from time to time, I also enjoy taking the occasional selfie. I am neither too shy to be photographed but not too vain to solely rely on selfies as a form of expression. I have a beautiful record of my existence as an American, my veteran status unknown to others in the my proximity when the photos were taken. While I cling more to my status as a veteran, my civilian side deserves recognition, too.

The two sides of me make up my whole person.

~Cheryl

My favorite female Marine, Sarah Kravitz (formerly, Cabell). I love this girl. She is my sister through and through. She is the best roommate I ever had in the Marine Corps. We still keep in touch.
My favorite female Marine, Sarah Kravitz (formerly, Cabell). I love this girl. She is my sister through and through. She is the best roommate I ever had in the Marine Corps. We still keep in touch.

Our wedding day 2006
Our wedding day 2006

2008

2007

2008 or 2009 photo, Frank Lopez, photographer (Oceanside, California)
2008 or 2009 photo, Frank Lopez, photographer (Oceanside, California)

My daughter and I when I had my "graduation" celebration.
My daughter and I when I had my “graduation” celebration.

We did a belated photo session in 2012 with Melissa Thompson from Pistachio Alley. I am behind on ordering my prints.
We did a belated photo session in 2012 with Melissa Thompson from Pistachio Alley. I am behind on ordering my prints.

Spartan Race 2014 with my husband
Spartan Race 2014 with my husband

Marine Corps Scholarship Fund Dinner 2014
Marine Corps Scholarship Fund Dinner 2014

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Lady Brigade & i Rock the Boots Follow-Up Discussion

Recently, I mentioned Lady Brigade and i Rock the Boots because these companies are started up by female veterans and focus on supporting female military service awareness.  Earlier this week, I had the fortunate opportunity to meet Michelle Bravo from i Rock the Boots; although I didn’t intend to meet her, she was in our office to talk to our director and I introduced myself.  I wanted her to know that I wanted to accomplish something similar and looked to her (and Lady Brigade’s) designs because I did not want my efforts to infringe on their products.  I know we find ourselves in particularly challenging times because our society is built on competition and there is a fine line to be drawn between innovation and imitation.  I want to respect these women for their achievements.  They both took different paths than what I’ve planned for myself, which is not a bad thing at all.  These women have their own styles and I hope their clients appreciate the effort and quality of the products.

This being said, I think it’s important to delve more into what negative feedback is arising and think about why female veterans find themselves in this predicament.  Below are some more snapshots of comments from the Buzzfeed article about Lady Brigade.  The first one is worth really discussing, because not too long ago, I was asked to make a drawing that represented the notion of “make you own damned sandwich.”

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No part of this artwork may be used without my expressed permission.
No part of this artwork may be used without my expressed permission.

 

This problem is a hegemonic view of women “belonging” in the kitchen. It is a statement not expressed specifically at women in the military but like other demeaning stereotypes geared towards women, this one has trickled down into the military. Apparently, a lot of people have caught on to their annoyance (or support) for this “Make me a sandwich (or sammich, depending on how dull one wants to sound)” statement. My Google image search brings up all sorts of interesting items:
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There is one image though that I do like regarding this topic. It is fun without being vulgar:
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Now, with my image, what do you think are the positive connotations being expressed regarding female veterans? As well, in what ways does the drawing reinforce stereotypes about female service members? There are no right or wrong answers, but please use consideration and clean language to comment on the matter. Thanks.

~Cheryl

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